saving (and surviving) daylight

i cannot adjust to the time change at all today. i've been so sleepy and it doesn't help that it was a rainy monday morning to wake up to. all i wanted to do when i got here was go back home and crawl into bed. i wonder who decided that the work day should be 8 hours long. why can't the work day start at 11am? most days i really don't feel awake until then and it usually does not take 8 hours to get a job done anyway. most of the time is spent just waiting around for work some days or chatting with coworkers, or being annoyed by other people chatting a bit too loudly with coworkers.

daylight savings time means the spring is coming though. thank God. i can actually take walks and feel free instead of feeling like a lazy pig all holed up in my apartment. i was thinking last night about how tired i am of feeling tired. but i can't seem to motivate myself to do any type of exercise in the winter time. in the spring it's just easier. you can go out and walk around and not freeze yourself half to death. and then you feel happier and more optimistic about life. you can wear prettier clothes and go out unencumbered.

in the winter i just don't want to do anything. and this winter started early and is lasting like forever. i was so sleepy last night that i barely dipped into the chapter of the book i need to read for my class tomorrow, much less do the assignment, so hopefully tonight i will get to it. i'll fight with myself to stay awake probably, but i know i have to do it. meditation usually helps, but the neighbors above me were way too noisy last night and i was way too sleepy anyway.

i miss those days of my early twenties when i had so much energy. i could go out to a bar on a weeknight, get home at like 1 or 2am and get up for work the next day as if nothing happened. it was great. not to mention all the energy i had for the things i like doing, like reading, organizing my things and paring them down, watching movies, going online, etc. somewhere between moving out and now, i've let my life and myself be consumed by daily chores, and ignored myself as a human being who needs mental stimulation, creative expression, and moments of carefree fun. it is so hard to go to work on Mondays. Tuesdays are a bit easier. and by the time it's Friday, i'm happy and productive and back to normal. but maybe that's the because i know the weekend is coming.

i look at my nephew and remember when i didn't know what work was, and all my days were simple and my parents took care of me. and all there was to life was fun. i didn't like getting up in the morning for school, but at least there was the knowledge that i was free to do anything i wanted when i got home. and not have to worry about making my own dinner or washing my clothes or dishes. i would go home and write poetry, write in my journal, read articles online about writing, eat my dinner and go to sleep. it was pretty fantastic.

boy, did i move out for the wrong reason. if i only knew then what i know now...