dizzy dolls

i just got back from a bust magazinesponsored spoken word poetry event held at the strand bookstore in NYC. i debated back and forth about going since i had no one to go with, but decided to anyway and i'm so glad i did. not only did i get to break my routine, introduce some fresh images to my mind and spend a nice spring evening outdoors walking around, i also found out about 4 great women poets who performed tonight. just for an hour, but it was great and really entertaining. and most importantly reminded me of the power and magic and beauty of poetry- spoken or written.

the poets who performed were Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz, (BUST writer and author of Everything is Everything) Patricia Smith (Blood Dazzler), Amber Tamblyn (Bang Ditto) and Rachel McKibbens (Pink Elephant). they were all great, with unique voices, but the overall standout had to be Patricia Smith. Oh my God. she literally had me breathless. what a completely riveting, engrossing, moving performance she did of her work. the room was filled with people and everyone fell absolutely silent as she spoke, no joke, and hung on her every syllable. listening to her, and the raw emotion in her poetry really made me want to cry. she wrung every emotion out of me and i swiftly bought a copy of her book, Blood Dazzler. this woman is amazing. i cannot stress that enough. she read with this confidence and conviction, grace and elegance that i have never see anyone display when reading their poetry. i would recommend to anyone to see her read her poetry if you have the opportunity. wow! there are not enough words to describe it.

i made the unfortunate decision of buying a frozen mocha drink before the show started and had to bolt to the bathroom the minute the reading was over, and in so doing i missed out on my chance to buy the poetry collection, Bang Ditto by Amber Tamblyn. Apparently they flew off the shelves and ran out before i had a chance to go back to the cart and get my copy, and she also ran out of the copies she was signing up at the front desk. when i finally got up there and grabbed some free copies of bust magazine (i love free stuff!) i heard someone mention that they spoke to management and they said Amber's book was all sold out. so me and a couple of other unfortunate people were left to order our copies online , which would of course not be signed by Amber. oh well.

I really miss poetry readings and i'm so glad that this one was so inspirational and such a delight. wish i had the courage to perform poetry the way those women did.

'dizzy dolls' was a phrase that stuck out to me from one of the poems read, i can't remember which one

seriously?

The other day I was in the ladies room at work walking up to the sink. There was a girl there, a temp I think, who said to me ‘you always look so serious.’ And I thought, ok, so what do I say to that? I had absolutely no response. So I just smiled a little. I mean really, did she expect me to apologize? To tell her what personal things I’m going through right now? to tell her that my heart is longing and hurting and holding on to someone who can’t be with me right now? was I supposed to explain or justify myself? I stayed silent, so she said ‘that can be good sometimes’ I guess because she was baffled by my silence. I still didn’t know what to say, so I just smiled and thought about the ridiculousness of it all. I don’t get why people need to voice their thoughts when they are critical of others, or simply observant.

I wouldn’t go around telling people, you look mean all the time, or you should try to smile more and be friendlier, because I have no idea what’s going on in that person’s life, and it’s not my place to say anything to them about their demeanor. Everyone is different and handles things differently, some with silence, some with emotions like anger, some by being sullen and withdrawn. I just happen to wear my heart on my sleeve, and it’s hard for me to hide the way I feel. I don’t think it’s healthy to hide the way you feel anyway. you can’t give a smile to the world while your heart is aching. At least I can’t.

haven’t won the lottery yet, so I have to go to work

i wish i never had to work again. there are just some days when you don't want to deal with anybody. the girl who is perpetually happy and upbeat, you're annoying and irritating boss, anyone who calls on the phone for stupid things, the people pushing and shoving on your commute, anyone that you are forced to speak with. they all can get to you so much that you wish you never had to see any of them ever again.

not to mention how uncomfortable going to work is physically. You have to get up at an unnaturally early hour, you are forced to sit there for 8 or more hours freezing half to death on a cold day or suffocating on a warm day because the temperature inside the building never seems to be right. you have to wait for a hole in the schedule in order to get something to eat. you have to wear a bra that bothers you all day long (if you're a woman) and in some cases, uncomfortable shoes. your hands freeze at the keyboard, you get sleepy and can't nap anywhere, your eyes strain from staring at a computer screen, you watch the clock and pray for it to go faster.

there's an episode of the simpsons where lenny and carl are waiting to leave work early one day at the nuclear plant. they are finally dismissed and carl says, 'empty apartment, here i come!' with this great excitement and happiness. it was meant to be ironic, like he should feel miserable about having an empty apartment to come home to, but really there isn't anything more blissful at the end of the day. just to come home and be able to do and wear and be whatever you want, with no orders, fewer responsibilities, no restraints, just peace and hopefully quiet. That’s if you have cooperative neighbors.

there's something so wonderful about being home and shutting the whole world out for a while.

having some wine on easter sunday..

great quotes

just wanted to share a couple of good/interesting quotes i've heard lately-

'I've been eliminated, but I still have breath in my body to change my tomorrow.' - Anthony from Project Runway

‘A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.’ ~Herm Albright

i went to a boring meeting today in newark, nj, but at least it was a chance to get outside on a nice day and get away from my cubicle for a while. so that part of it was nice. the day sure goes by faster when you're not sitting in front of a computer, even when you're just sitting in a meeting listening to presentations and taking notes. and they served us lunch so that was nice too. i was dropped off in hoboken to take the train back home, and everyone was sitting outside of the bars at various happy hours. i realized just how much i miss living there, where thursday nights were always party nights and everyone was out just hanging out and having fun. here i have a nicer apartment and more space, but it's really dull and uneventful.

i'm currently rereading a book i read several years ago called 'i could do anything if i only knew what it was' by Barbara Sher. i'm hoping it inspires me to know which direction to go in my life. it's like deep down i know what i want and what i need, but all this fear is in the way. fear of what my family would think, fears of letting them down, fears of success, fears of failure. it's so hard to move forward. but i know i need to find some sort of motivation and inspiration to push me forward.

some good news is that i was recently published on a friend's fashion blog, the link to my article is:

http://www.indiecouturenyc.com/2010/03/karens-tips-on-spring-cleaning-your-wardrobe/

her blog's home page is:

http://www.indiecouturenyc.com/

oh, here's a pic of my favorite recent purchase that is making me smile :)
my cuff (i got it in the silver tone) from rachel zoe's line of jewelry and clothes on qvc.com:

silvertone one is here, i just cant save the picture-

http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/view.2/app.detail/params.item.J148165.desc.Rachel-Zoe-Scroll-Design-Bracelet