a strangely facinating film

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/i_love_trash/

a little positivity

found this exercise online here- http://www.personal-development-coach.net/raise-vibration.html

Write down 10 aspects of you that you love and re-read them as often as you can – this boosts your self confidence and makes you more positive therefore raising vibration. It is good to re-read the list of your positive aspects because you will keep activating the vibration of confidence and appreciation of yourself.

10 aspects about myself that I love

1. My intelligence
2. My writing ability
3. My creativity and appreciation for beauty
4. My ability to be still
5. My caring, loving nature
6. My impulse for kindness
7. My trustworthiness
8. My ability to take care of myself and be on my own (and stay employed!)
9. My respect for my elders/superiors
10. My dedication and professionalism

today, in an effort to feel better by helping others, i bought the following pendant from the hunger site, so i can purchase food for the hungry in the process-
http://shop.thehungersite.com/store/item.do?itemId=29207&siteId=220&sourceId=17&sourceClass=Category&index=15
i totally forgot about thehungersite.com. it was nice to find it again

i hate winter

i've been getting over a cold, so i spent most of the day inside today. i had meant to do so many things. my homework was done for class, so i thought i'd spend the time organizing my CDs, meditating or writing. i took a long nap instead. i guess i didn't sleep well last night. but i hate napping out of boredom. i've never been the person to get bored. i would always find a way to amuse myself, whether it be online, or reading or whatever. so after my nap, i went online for a while, picked out my clothes for tomorrow, watched a movie and washed my hair. sunday nights can be so depressing. and for some reason, i always seem to encounter somebody on a monday morning who's in a great mood and wants to chat, when i'm beyond pissed off about another work week. i am so confusing, even to myself. i long to be alone sometimes, but then others, i just long for company, its sometimes like once i have one of those, i crave the other. its really weird and i don't get it. maybe i just spend way too much time alone inside my head. who knows?

it's really annoying to be stuck at home in the winter. and my apartment heat goes on so high that i find myself sweating, so i open a window, then the heat goes off, so i close the window, then the heat goes back on and the cycle repeats. life seems so silly sometimes, the limits of the human body, and the lengths a person has to go through just to keep themselves comfortable, and presentable. its an endless tedious cycle of maintenance. life would be great if we could always get what we want. it's an amazing feeling when life actually goes our way isn't it?

thank God i have my bf to love and to be my best friend. i'm grateful

socially awkward or just independent?

there was a discussion today on the craigslist discussion forums (in beauty and fashion for some reason) about female friendships. people were complaining that they got tired of their female friends because of cattiness, bullying, competitiveness, bragging, etc. and i thought ok good, i'm not alone. i tried having a group of girlfriends once, and maybe they were not the right ones for me, but i couldn't seem to really connect with any of them. they were too concerned with feigning friendship and being selfish and untrustworthy. and i realized that by not having many friends in high school and college, i wasn't really missing out on much.

growing up, my parents used to say that friendships don't matter as much as family. because family will outlast every friendship every time. i think sometimes that i would like to have more friends, i find people interesting, but i also know myself. i know how moody i can get, and i get scared of hurting people when i don't mean to, just because i have days and moments when i can't bring myself to speak to anyone, and not everyone is understanding about that. you have to have really amazing friends who really understand and accept you for that to be the case. i care about people, coworkers, acquaintances, but i just don't feel the need to be in contact with them on a daily basis.

sure, sometimes i wish i had a group of cool friends (male and female), and maybe they are out there and i will run into them sometime in my life. i hope that can happen for me, as it's been something that i've never really been able to get a handle on. i've had many friends come and go in my life, as everyone has, but most people have a few close friends that have lasted them throughout the years. that's something i can't say i have unfortunately. my sister has a couple of friends that she's been close to now for like 19 years. to me, that's a major accomplishment. i remember the humiliation of finding an old friend on myspace who i thought was a really good friend to me in high school, only to find that he didn't know who i was, didn't remember me at all. I guess that’s how things go sometimes.

so, it finally happened

my parents sold their house. i can't believe it. i was so glad to hear though that the man who bought it isn't planning to tear it down. i think that would've made me cry because that is my childhood home. i think he's just planning on knocking down some walls and turning it into a one family home, instead of a two-family. i'm so glad it will still exist though, and i can't still pass by it and reminisce about being a child.

i went to visit my parents last night and my mom went into the attic looking for an album with pictures from our family trip to Europe, Paris and France, that we took as my college graduation present. i miss those pictures and wanted to see the album again. she couldn't find it, and started rummaging around in a ll the attic clutter. there was some funny stuff up there, and stuff i can't believe she was holding on to. i saw several of my old barbies, an old blue she-ra (princess of power!) lunch box filled with toys that i used to play with when i was little, and my sister's and my original baptism dresses, which had delicate white lace that was yellowing with age. she said she kept them for sentimental reasons, and to give to her granddaughters one day on their baptisms. that is if my sister and i have any baby girls.

i found 2 old paintings that belonged to my grandpa, and i took one because i liked it so much and didn't want it sold in the garage sale my mom is planning to have before they move out. its a painting of a lake, with a path beside it, with the focal point being a big tree with dark orange leaves and a very dark trunk, almost black. i loved the color of the leaves and decided to take the painting for myself. my mom also gave me some heels that were my aunts that are pretty nice, but more for a special occasion. i was happy to find that those fit me :)

with all the clutter up in my mom's attic, it's going to take a full day probably to clear it out, all the old religious paintings that belonged to my grandparents, old broken coffee table and exercise equipment, my sister's high school yearbooks, some scrapbook albums my grandpa made with pictures of colombia, all types of old clothes that my mom meant to send to charity, old purses, luggage, etc. and on and on. i can't believe it's all still there. so when they move, my parents will try to find a half way point to make it easy to get to both my apartment and my sister's house. thankfully they are not planning to be too far away. it will make me sad to not be able to go back to the place where i grew up though. major change and major shift in my psyche at the same time. it's like the period placed on the last sentence of being a child.

fashionistas

lately, i've been getting into that show, the rachel zoe project. mostly, its for the fashion. but its also for the fascination of the glamorous lifestyle that she lives. it can get annoying to watch, especially with her overuse and strange annunciation of the word 'literally' but overall, it's really entertaining. kind of like watching 'confessions of a shopaholic' without all that godawful slapstick comedy. rachel zoe really loves clothes and fashion, and is passionate about it, that you can see right away. i became entranced with her jewelry collection, which she sold on a recent episode to benefit a charity for ovarian cancer research. she had all kinds of amazing, one of a kind jewelry that was so beautiful, and she had close to 1,000 pieces all together. gold, beaded, every color, every style, bracelets, necklaces, earrings- all designer, and beautiful. i started reading more about her and it turns out she will soon be coming out with her own line of jewelry and handbags, and everything will be affordable, like under $100.

seeing that episode about her jewelry was just so nice because it was a reminder about the fun of fashion and the way you can use it to express who you are, or a mood you are in, just for the hell of it. and its fun to think of frivolous things like that sometimes, and take a break from all the big existential questions in life. at least for me, it's a nice thing to simply admire and imagine and dream about. like losing yourself in a fashion magazine for a while. tonight's episode was about her trip to paris fashion week, and seeing her attend the shows of stella mccartney, marc jabobs, luis vuitton, chanel, karl lagerfeld, all these amazing people and then the city itself. it's a total dream. i remember, i've been there.

tomorrow i start my first day of my new proofreading class, hopefully it goes well. it's been a nice time since last thursday because my boss has been on vacation and will be out all week, so i'll have plenty of free time tomorrow to read the reviews of rachel zoe's book called 'style, a to zoe' or something like that. i have to get back to reading 'the lost symbol' by dan brown, because earlier tonight i stumbled on one of those oh my god! didn't see that coming! moments in the book and i just have to keep reading.

my job would really be lovely if only i didn't have a boss...