Tuesday, December 25, 2012

fav song from 'Rock of Ages"

just watched 'rock of ages' and it was pretty entertaining except for the boring people in the lead roles. this is my favorite song from the movie. it wasn't performed, just playing in the background of a funny scene.

Monday, December 10, 2012

other blog

i've been posting more writings here :

http://rubyrandomthought.wordpress.com/

in case you've been checking this blog and not finding updates,  sorry!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

wedding hell

just to give you an idea of what i've been going through for the past few weeks i will give you the list below

what i hate about weddings-

1. tight uncomfortable bridesmaid dress
2. 5,000 pictures and videos on which I fear how I will look
3. the goddamn bouquet toss
4. expensive hotel rooms because the wedding takes place hours away
5. hair and makeup being done early in the morning
6. souvenirs that serve no purpose
7. wearing heels from 12:30pm to 1am
8. being the only single person over 30 in my family (single as in not married)
9. bouquet toss with all my younger cousin's girlfriends (in their early 20s) surrounding me
10. being made to feel like a loser by my family because I am not married and somehow am "incomplete" without a man and a big diamond ring.
11.sitting in a limo in a tight dress for half an hour
12. trying to eat dinner in a tight dress
13. being exhausted before the reception even starts because i was in the bridal party and had all the prep
14. pretending to be happy when there is a possibility that i will lose the love of my life, and all my dreams will go to shit
15. when the DJ asks all couples to go on the dance floor (this only happens when I have no date)
16. having nothing to talk about with your cousins because they are looking at their phones or talking about the Kardashians or talking about getting tattoos
17. two drunk people sitting on either side of me shouting over me to talk to each other
18. staying in a hotel room alone because I didn't have a date
19. sitting in traffic for 3 hours to get to the rehearsal dinner
20. hoping i don't have a panic attack during the ceremony (because it will all be caught on video)
21. regretting the way i got my hair styled.
22. the expense which was close to $800 including dress, hair, makeup, gift, hotel room, etc

that about sums things up..

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Exploring the collective consciousness


Most adults don’t get a chance to use their creativity in their everyday lives. Someguy, a San Francisco based artist, decided to try to change that in the summer of 2000. Having always been fascinated by anonymous art/conversations/poetry and graffiti on public bathroom walls, he decided to start a mail art project consisting of 1,000 blank journals that would be given to strangers, passed along between friends, and travel the world. He didn’t know if any of the journals would ever be returned to him, but he wanted them to encourage and invite stangers to have their say in whatever form they chose. They could make entries consisting of writing, drawing, doodlings, musings, photography, anything really was fair game. And he invited participants to scan their entries and email them to him to put up on his website.

Both a documentary and a book were produced from this project. The book has entertaining sample entries from around the world and stories of the 1,000 journals’ travels, but the documentary was more entertaining to me. It provides more of a narrative about the project in its various stages. Both the documentary and book, called “The 1,000 journals project” give a detailed look into the variety of journal entries and personal stories that came about from the passing on of the journals. Some of the written entries in the book are very evocative and thought-provoking. The artwork included is at times very strong and impressive, and at times basic and amateur. Either way, they give a voyeuristic look into the thoughts of strangers, and a peek into their everyday lives – their struggles, joys, and the messages they choose to share with the world.

Participants knew their entries could be made public, so it took away from some of the anonymity of the project. But the entries are still stimulating and inspiring. In fact, the documentary inspired me to start my own art journal with no lined pages, even though I have always been just a regular journaler and writer. It encouraged me to go beyond those limitations and explore watercolor, collage and random drawings, sketches and scribbles.  Find out more about the project and its creator, and see some more juicy journal entries at http://www.1001journals.com/

Monday, October 08, 2012

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Sunday, September 23, 2012

recent shoe purchases

the nude heels out of necessity- bought to wear for a wedding next friday

boots for fun, i've been wanting and needing knee high brown boots for the longest.

i spent way too much money at DSW, but it was kind of fun since i never spend money.



what i want for christmas

it's already on my wish list!



free market, madison square park

this is part of the journal entry i wrote in my paper journal this morning at 12:48am:

 i love freedom. the freedom to be able to come and go as i please. the freedom of long stretches of time with nothing to do and no where to be. the freedom of not having anyone to answer to but myself, the freedom to read or sleep or watch movies, or eat. the freedom to sit on a train on a nice day and look out the window. the freedom to take pictures and listen to music, and write- no matter what time it is.

 my body is sore and i'm tired, but there is still so much i want to do. luckily, i have the whole day free tomorrow. today i voluntarily went into the city, something i have not done in a long while. i went to the free market at madison square park which was from 12-3, but i ended up only staying about an hour.

 it helps when i feel sad or alone, to go out into the world and observe people and listen to them talk or just go about their lives. there's a certain comfort in that. we are all the same. we are all just human beings, no one greater or lesser than anyone else, just trying to make our way in the world.

 pics from the free market,










Thursday, September 20, 2012

Saturday, September 15, 2012

battle in me


hope i'm as cool as Shirley Manson when i'm 45:

 

Friday, September 14, 2012

pics from a recent bachellorette party i went to

my swedish massage at the spa was amazing, as was the 'entertainment'









Tuesday, September 11, 2012

a repost- Sept 11, 2001, questions and thoughts

I wrote this on 5/9/02 in response to a series of prompts i found online relating to September 11, 2001. they were meant to preserve the memory of the day for future generations.

1. Where were you and what were you doing when you first heard the news of the attack on America, Sept 11, 2001? i was on an express bus just coming out of the Battery Tunnel, when the entire bus was in a little commotion and everyone began to go to the right side to look up out of the windows. we were a few blocks from the towers and we could see thick black smoke consuming the top of one of the towers. everyone was confused, but i just thought it was a fire, nothing to be alarmed about, they would just put it out and that would be it. i was on the bus because i was on my way to a temp agency to act as a stand-by temp who comes in the morning for last minute assignments.

2. What were your first thoughts and feelings upon hearing the news? What were the first things you commented on? the bus turned on to the expressway by the water and everyone had learned from listening to headphones/radio that a second plane had hit, and we had just learned about the first- which everyone assumed had just been an accident. there was a woman on the bus with a radio and everyone watched her and waited for news to clear up their confusion. she said that a second plane had hit the second tower, and it was now confirmed that was a deliberate act. everyone stared out the left side windows now, horrified, trying to use their cell phones and assure loved ones that they were all right. i would get peeks at the World Trade Center between the buildings as the bus moved along swiftly, each time it was a more horrific sight.

i remember first seeing what looked like paper- millions of papers flying through the air, shooting out from a burning hole in one of the towers. you could see the force of the wind, or the suction or something in the shining sunlight, it looked as if the top of the tower was spewing papers right at the expressway and river on our right. i looked at the water and it was littered with what looked like white paper, but which we later learned was pieces of shrapnel from the actual buildings.

by this time the top of both towers were in flames. i was sitting next to a young blonde girl who was trying to reach her boyfriend on his cell phone because he worked as a janitor at the World Trade Center. luckily though, his shift began around 4:00 that day, so he hadn't been there or arrived. she kept saying 'oh shit' as she dialed, telling me that all their friends work in the towers as well.

i tried to call my mother but the cell phone did not work. when i looked back out at the towers, i got a full clear view and gasped, covering my mouth with my free hand as my eyes grew large trying to capture and grasp what i saw. trying to understand and process. the entire length of both towers was covered with black smoke, like two glowing matchsticks, and i could only think.. 'i thought they were going to stop it- put the fires out, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??' patches of dark black smoke covered almost every recognizable silver piece of the towers and i could see small red flames shooting out to the sky from some of the center windows and upper windows of one tower. i turned back to face the front of the bus and thought to myself, 'my God, there are people burning in there right now. how are they going to get out?'

my mom called my cell phone and finally it went through and she asked me where i was, i told her i was on the bus and i would try to get to her job. she works in midtown. the bus driver was confused about being told to divert through brooklyn and leave all the passengers there (which worried me and my mom) but then he got different instructions to continue on his route but only up until the stop after mine, which was 42nd street. i told my mom he was going to stop at 34th st and that i'd be there soon. the bus driver also spoke on a cell phone, asking the person on the other end if his son was all right.

by this time, everyone was weary, panicky, and one woman started to cry. i remember hearing another console her saying, 'don't cry.' everyone was very confused and i just wanted to see my mother and tell her what i had seen. as i entered her building, they told me to go downstairs where she was and i went and saw her and hugged her hard. i was afraid and just glad to see she was ok. i told her what i had seen- both towers completely enveloped in smoke, from way down by the ground. i couldn't believe it-it was unlike anything i'd ever seen.

my mother had a portable radio and she heard as the spanish DJs described what was happening. we went out to the sidewalk and looked up at the tops of the towers and they were still aflame, there were crowds of people standing around and just staring up, or trying to use their cell phones. oddly though, there were other people just strolling by casually as if nothing was out of the ordinary. there was an electronics store near us that turned the news on their TVs and a small group of people, including us, crowded in front of it, everyone just looked on in shock. one man, with cell phone in hand, told the people standing close to him that he was supposed to be at the towers that morning for a breakfast meeting, but he'd been running late. he spoke somberly as if he didn't believe his own words. everyone felt the same confusion.

on the TV screen we all watched in the store, they showed footage of the pentagon in washington DC, which has also been hit by a plane and now appeared to lie in ruins. they also announced that a number of planes were still circling the air, their targets unknown. a shot of the New York skyline appeared then on the screen, but you couldn't see any of the buildings. the entire city was hidden by thick, black, billowing smoke. it was just smoke on the island of Manhattan, smoke on top of water, and below that unbelievable scene flashed these words "NYC ON FULL TERRORIST ALERT." the words flashed again and again, like an emergency signal, and the last place i wanted to be, was where i was standing- midtown Manhattan.

i walked around the block to try to call my sister and tell her we were all right. but there was a short line to use the pay phones because all cell phones had gone dead. as i waited behind a girl using the pay phone i heard her say, 'the building just fell. i saw it,' and i was shocked, there was no way it could be real, there was no way a tower had collapsed. at that moment i saw my mom leave her building again and walk around the corner where she could see the towers. i tried to call my sister, but i didn't get through, they told me she was teaching. when i crossed back to join my mother where we could see the towers- she turned around and looked at me with tears gathering in her voice as she said "the towers fell, there must be people dead"- she had heard it on the radio as the DJ said in spanish "The World Trade Center towers no longer exist." seeing her tell me, my stomach felt as if it had fallen out from under me. i looked up at where we had just seen the towers on fire, but now there was only pale smoke and blue sky.

at some point before, i went to one of the upper floors in my mother's building to try to use a phone and felt myself having a minor panic attack in the elevator. it was just unexpected and so strange. i felt very closed in all of a sudden, and like i could barely breathe. when we finally got back down to the lobby, people were fleeing the building in waves and for a moment i thought they were all dead, that we were all dead, like souls just waiting to be released by another imminent blast, i felt it coming in my bones. we were so close to the Empire State Building.

my mother and i were stuck in manhattan until around 7pm, sitting on benches in a small park, flinching at the sounds of planes flying overhead, trying to call and call until we could get through to our family and friends. the trains and ferries started to run again and the tunnels repoened. my father came to pick us up. i was 22 years old at the time.

Monday, September 10, 2012

sweet little lady

my lovely niece Reina Marie, in one of the outfits I bought her for her first birthday :)



Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

quote


“For a long time now, every moment with another human being has been a collision. I feel too much, sense too much, am exhausted by the reverberations after even the simplest conversation."
-May Sarton
Journal of a Solitude

Monday, September 03, 2012

suddenly obsessed with twitter

lots of time on my hands these days..

@fairy710

Thursday, August 30, 2012

feeling a bit better

think i'm getting back to a healthy state of mind.
who knew?
i may just get myself back soon. i hope so.

creepy song that i can't stop listening to:

 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

probably won't be writing here for a while

going through a bit of a personal crisis.


Monday, August 06, 2012

kiss me blind, somebody should

i almost threw out an old vhs tape which had this entire concert on it (an old ebay purchase from 1996!) so glad i viewed it first!

 'fix me now' -one of my favorite Garbage songs from the first album:

 

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

random stuff

excellent article about Shirley Manson here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/blogs/thread-count/the-darkling-manifesto-shirley-mansons-individualist-style-legacy-20120731

my current favorite song here:



another one of my poems published here!

http://word-smyths.com/?p=1340

an old pic of me and my niece when she was born

old pic of my mom and i dancing at my aunt's house

Monday, July 23, 2012

sunday in the park

very little make up in these, sometimes natural is best








Thursday, July 19, 2012

releasing clutter and junk


Deep down I knew I wasn’t as minimalist as I could be. But since I work from home now, I finally found the courage to be ruthless with my wardrobe and toss any item that I didn’t wear or kept passing over in the closet, or that were out of style or too tight, or belonged to the 24 year old me, instead of the present day me. It was a liberating feeling to bring some clothes I was tired of to the consignment store, and donate the rest. I was even able to part with costume jewelry that I had for years that I never wore and was just taking up storage space. It really is true that the more you let go of, the easier it becomes to let go. You just see that you are able to go on and nothing bad happens and you feel better and lighter, instead of regretting getting rid of something.

A lot of things I brought to the consignment store were things I bought myself on impulse. I would be having a bad day at work and would see a purse online or in a store and buy it just to have something new, just to cheer myself up. And I would use the purse a couple of times and then get tired of it. Now I think about purchases way more, put them on a list and wait before purchasing them to see if I really want them, and I think more about quality than quantity. If I have one beautiful small diamond necklace from my boyfriend that I adore, why keep tons of costume jewelry lying around that no longer resonates with who I am? It just doesn’t make sense. And now I can have a much smaller wardrobe since I really only go out on dates with my boyfriend, or to family parties or dinners or to workout, and can work at home everyday in pajamas or house clothes.

I’ve kept some things around in case I go back to office work one day but I sincerely hope that never happens. Working from home saves up so much more free time and money. I’m not tempted to shop at nearby stores on my lunch break like I was when I was going to the office daily, and I can work independently in peace and quiet which is a real luxury. I’ve realized that I don’t like waste, and if I can’t find a good home for something, it tends to stick around my apartment way too long. I always donate or try to sell clothes I don’t want, or give them to my mom to send to Colombia where we have poorer relatives, and I donate old books that I’m tired of to the library. Old magazines go to my mom but I almost never buy those anymore, don’t need more temptations to shop, especially now that my salary is lower.

Right now I’m trying to part with an old CD player that I never use because I can never seem to find the right spot for it in my apartment. I love music but I could just try to find a smaller set of speakers that hook up to my phone sometime down the line and save myself the headache of this bulky CD player/alarm clock. I use my phone as an alarm clock anyway. The thing is that the CD player still works, so I may give it away on craigslist (don’t have a freecycle group near me) :( and hopefully it finds a new home that way. I would feel bad just throwing it out. I have thrown out a lot of things but I really try hard to place things first just in case someone needs something that I don’t.

And I love the fact that I found Wen, a product that finally works on my hair and I can use up all my old conditioners as shaving crème and all my old shampoos as hand wash. I can also toss any and all gels/creams that never worked on my hair and save lots of space that way. I’m trying to use up old perfumes (I would wear to work) as air freshners and old body lotions that I just have too many of. I want to see less and own less and have more space. I thought I was minimalist before, but it’s always possible to get rid of some more. I try to imagine the item being lost or stolen and whether or not I would replace it if so, if the answer is no, then it pretty much doesn’t need to be in my life right now! It is really a good feeling to get rid of stuff you don’t love, and feel a lot lighter in the world.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sunday, June 24, 2012

old pic

this is one of the rare times i like how i look in a picture. i'm the one in yellow. sitting with my sister and cousin on thanksgiving a few years ago.


contentment

the other day i went to a meeting in Manhattan for my job. it always amazes me how NYC is such a crazy amalgam of the rich and the poor. walking down a street in midtown, you can encounter groups of well dressed businessmen chatting with each other or on cell phones casually strolling by a homeless mother and her son begging for money while seated on the sidewalk on a 95 degree day. and this is just the norm, nobody bats and eyelash. i find it all rather strange. and going into the city that day made me realize how happy i am to be working from home now and avoiding the city on a daily basis. thankfully, that meeting i went to is held only once a year.

i am really a lucky person. i never had to struggle financially while living out on my own and i was raised well.  i went to college and got my education, i was raised hearing two language in my house and now i can use one partially to earn my living. i am grounded and responsible. i could have gone a totally different way. i could have been rebellious, been a dropout, if i had different parents. thankfully my parents weren't selfish and were always looking out for my welfare, and my sister's as well. i have amazing freedom right now and i feel lucky. i can do anything and go anywhere i want to with no one stopping me. i can explore the world, i can do creative things, i can work without feeling tons of stress in the process and still earn a comfortable living.

i'm not the kind of person who needs a lot to be happy. i'm not into the latest trendy material things. and i think that's a big advantage. i don't dress up to impress other female friends. i don't even need a business casual wardrobe anymore which is really wonderful. though maybe it would be smart to hold on to a few of those in case i end up back in an office someday. hopefully not! i enjoy simple pleasures in life. reading a good book in my bed is one of the best things ever, or writing in my journal, or reading blogs, or having a good cup of coffee and a good conversation with my bf. it's really the little things. i like to slow down and enjoy life, meditate on my journey and realize that i am a blessed person. i feel really grateful, and content

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Friday, June 08, 2012

Currently..


Currently I’m ...

-re-reading the unabridged journals of Sylvia Plath, because she writes things like (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘the red and blue rooftops are muted and secretive’ while looking out her window

-re-reading a bunch of decluttering books and clearing out lots of old clutter, cleaning out closets/drawers/cupboards/grooming products

-finding new uses for excess shampoo and conditioner online, there are some great tips out there for using it up

-listening to ‘not your kind of people’ –new garbage CD , of course!

-needing to buy a new couch/loveseat for my living room. Though I can’t decide if I want a loveseat or a chaise lounge chair for reading

-struggling to write so I can finish one journal and start on my new one

-wondering what to get my uncles, brother in law and dad for father’s day. Money seems so boring

-still loving my Dana Rebecca designs necklace J thanks to my sweet bf

-still loving working from home, and the fact that summer is only beginning

-caved in and restarted my Netflix subscription. Watched ‘Gone’ the other night, wasn’t that great, I will probably put the subscription back on hold soon. Summer means more walks outside in the evenings.

-meditating more regularly and feeling better for it.

-having trouble letting go of some books, like the Chicago Manual of Style and the copyediting/proofreading handbooks, in case I can somehow find a way to finally get into doing that, and stop hesitating and being afraid of failing

-wanting to buy some round frame sun glasses, and ‘Amelie’ on DVD, and ‘Bill Cunningham NY’ on DVD and the new book about clutter by Brooks Palmer, whose blog I’m addicted to

-wanting to buy another T shirt and a tote bag from garbage.com

-enjoying a short video on the sartorialist’s website about how he takes his street fashion pictures

-being happy that it’s Friday, and that I found a nice, short maroon-colored dress in my closet (from American apparel) that I haven’t had a chance to wear in a long while that still fits J

-taking my hair vitamins, using wen, and enjoying healthier hair with less frizz

-enjoying my privacy and living alone

-wanting to get a new wardrobe of more pricey/sturdier clothing, and weeding out the cheap excess that doesn’t last. I have lots of trouble with this. I don’t like to spend much on clothes

-looking forward to going on a little vacation for my birthday week

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

they're only feelings baby..

i have been doing more writing in my paper journal, than here. and i have been listening to the new Garbage album a whole lot-not your kind of people. i can't get over how good it is and how every song speaks to me personally, as usual. i am so grateful that this band exists. i love every song on the album, and i feel like it's their best since Version 2.0, which was always my favorite. some of my favorite songs on not my kind of people are 'automatic systematic habit,' 'control,' 'the one,' battle in me,' 'man on a wire' and 'felt.' in 'man on a wire' when Shirley sings 'I sat myself down and shot my fear in the face,' it's possibly one of the best garbage lyrics I've ever heard. go buy the album now if you haven't yet!!


i had a very productive night tonight. it's amazing what cancelling netflix can do. i miss watching new movies sometimes, but i knew i was avoiding doing the soul searching activities that i used to enjoy so much. so tonight i did some writing, and some meditating and now I'm posting this blog entry. I'm going to read a bit before bed, just not sure yet what to read. i may buy the digital version of the unabridged journals of Silvia Plath. her journals are a literary art form all in themselves. she takes little everyday things and turns them into an inspiring subject for writing. the actual book is quite thick and heavy and i got rid of it a while ago, so i think buying the digital version to be able to carry with me anywhere on my e reader is a better option.


i also made a list of my top 100 favorite things, not including movies i own, or clothing. I'm trying to pare things down again. now that i work from home i need a lot less clothing so I'm donating a bunch i got tired of to the consignment store near me next week. the idea behind making the list of your favorite 100 things is to reconsider if you really need the things that you couldn't remember to put on your list. if they aren't memorable then why keep them around sort of thing? i read it on one of those minimalist blogs, can't remember which one right now but i made the list once before and i just can't find it, it would be interesting to compare the first list i made to the one i made tonight, but i would have to find it first.


i was surprised that i couldn't remember too many of my books, so i guess i am not so attached to them all as i thought i was. jewelry was really difficult too for some reason. i mostly listed the jewelry i like the most and wear most often. there are a lot of pieces in my collection that i really like but i just don't really take the time to wear.


title of this post is taken from this dreamy Garbage song..


Monday, May 14, 2012

so make it happen


yes! yes! yes!

TURN THIS UP LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!


your love made me a prisoner

in the mood for aerosmith

Friday, May 11, 2012

i won't be knocked down!

can't get this song out of my head. here is a mini film about it, hear the whole song two posts down:



i love what she says in this interview about what she would say to the Shirley Manson of the 90s. and what she says about the new album and how she hopes the fans connect to it in relation to their own lives. i love her!


Wednesday, May 09, 2012

an oldie but a goodie


this song made me smile during my walk home from the train tonight. it just made me joyful.
her voice lifts my heart and makes me soar..


Tuesday, May 08, 2012

another awesome new garbage song

i can feel my happiness and hope returning once again

ah..

:) enjoy


Monday, May 07, 2012

the big first birthday

unrelated, but the best thing i've read today: http://zenhabits.net/live/

 pics of my niece's first birthday party :) she is the cutest, sweetest baby and i love her