shopping, and other distractions

i spent a fun family day yesterday with my sister, nephew and my parents at my sister's house. occupying my nephew while my sister did housework and being entertained by him was interesting. i can't believe how crazy it is to take care of a three year old. he's adorable, but wow it's a lot of work! i don't know how people who have children do it, seems so overwhelming. even for someone like my sis who has infinite patience. i was glad to spend time with them though, not having a car makes visits like that pretty difficult.

i was thinking tonight about my life overall, as i tend to do on sunday nights when faced with another work week. i start to think about my deep down dreams that i barely ever spoke about to anyone but myself. and i start to wonder, what's really holding me back from going for them and leaving behind my regular life? i start to remember all those things i read in encouraging books and heard in motivational tv programs, or inspirational quotes that i have kept and liked reading. and i start to really say to myself, i need to seize the day, this isn't a dress rehearsal, we only go around once, and all this stuff and i start to feel like my day job is a waste of time. i distract myself reading books and magazines, watching movies and tv but then i wonder, how is all that really serving me and what i want my life to be?

when i started to workout and see my body change, i felt a suddent brief rush when i glimpsed what my life could be. i could be someone with the type of body that i always dreamed of having but never thought it possible. maybe i don't go for my dreams because i don't feel they are possible, therefore sabotaging them before they have a chance to begin. and i think well, if i buy these clothes or this thing that i want then i'll feel better, i'll feel i'm working hard for a reason, and i'll feel special and like i'm treating myself. but what's the point of having money and buying things if your day job doesn't make you feel happy and fulfilled all the time? or is at least interesting and satisfying to you? these are the things i ponder almost every sunday night, before i get swallowed up by the work week and it's stresses. i want to work towards a life that makes me happy, not one that allows me to simply come home and buy something or watch a movie and try to escape. life is going no where if we don't face ourselves and question.

i remember once reading somewhere that the older you get, the only thing that gets better are your clothes. i don't think that's entirely true. i'm definitely more confident then i used to be, but i still strive to have a wardrobe full of clothes that i love and that express who i am, not clothes that bore me or that i simply tolerate. in this recent picture, i actually love all that i am wearing, the yellow dress, the gray cardigan, the great green bracelet that i love so much, and you can't see them but i wore these really cute brown boots that day. it was one of those rare moments where everything came together the right way. it sure is nice to finally be able to buy clothes and shoes without feeling guilty and without incurring debt. my bf took the pic.

my photo at gallery 364

i can't believe its going to be another snow storm tomorrow night! if not i could've gone to this gallery show/reception where a picture of mine will be featured, the photographer's name is Louis Licciardi.


this is the photo he took of me last December at a cafe near my apartment that has since closed down. i posed in front of a wall mural/painting.


below is the invite for the show describing the theme-

wishing you luck Louis!!

You're Invited!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 25th, 2010 Opening Time: 7PM-10PM (Press Welcome)
FEBRUARY ART COMPETITION THEMED "LOVE/DESIRE"
Show Open Thru March 20th, 2010 by appointment

Greetings!
Please join us at Gallery 364 "Bay Ridge's First Art Gallery & Studio" for our Feb. Competition LOVE/DESIRE. OUR GUEST JUDGES ARE: PAINTER DAVID JON KASSAN, AND PHOTOGRAPHERS ANTHONY ALMEIDA, & GARY HELLER.
WINNING ARTWORK FROM OUR "HUMOR" SHOW WILL ALSO BE ON DISPLAY.
Be sure to stop off on the porch for a free massage demo with massage therapist Christine Hernandez from The Green Spa & Wellness Center.
Noshes Provided by Ming Yu and Chris Chou at Gyotaku Sushi & Pierre of Circles & Canteena.
$5 suggested donation at door. (noone will be turned away) Recieve a free raffle ticket w/donation for a chance to win a couples massage (a $200 value). Prizes donated by The Green Spa and Wellness Center and HOM.
LOVE/DESIRE ART OPENING

DATE: FEBRUARY 25TH, 2010
TIME: 7PM-10PM
LOCATION: 364 72ND STREET
TRANSIT: 'R' TRAIN TO BAY RIDGE AVE.(69th st.) click for more info
WE HOPE TO SEE YOU HERE!
Georgine Benvenuto
Gallery 364
email: georgine@gallery364.com
phone: 917-767-3848
web: http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1103088425324&s=245&e=001DWnqb7b7vIpcoMlsCiuFn24_0KjZgcFmt4WqCjnZA2clABg9I6QIo7gk8215UoKTTvotjlUApBJD6BmjRkA795LKjgle9dG2Xh1oTrvVZ7enb05HHpvXcA==

what happened?

what happened to my artist's soul?
somewhere along the way it got lost
amongst too many cups of coffee
too many sleepless nights
and out went my ear for poetry
the language betraying me.
I turned around one day, it was gone
I was drowning suddenly in deceit
in this lie I started living
and somewhere in my tears that have all
dried up, my artist's soul remains
crying out with no voice
straining against the city backdrop
of countless conversations, constant
indifference, an endless row of cold
shoulders. somewhere there's the me
longing to take a photo but I
am weighed down, trying to grasp
onto the minutes futily, I know
there's no stopping time, no slowing
for my energy to peak again, to
let out the voices in my head with a
writer's pen, I'm just not ready
to say goodbye yet.

workweek woe

lately i've been really dreading mondays, much more than a regular person, and longing for fridays to come. the weeks just feel so long because i've had a lot of stress and extra work recently and have been hating my boss a little more each day. i really try not to go into work with a negative attitude, but honestly it's hard to really care about making a good impression sometimes. i don't really have anything tying me to this job and it wouldn't be a major tragedy or anything if i were to lose it. they really like me and the way i work mostly, but sometimes i wonder if i'm expected to be perfect all the time. i can't be, i'm human.

my boss got on my case for forgetting to remind her about two conference meetings she needed to have, on a day when i was working on another project for her with a more urgent deadline and i was also sick. she seems to think i can do 5 things all at once, and do them all well. i'm sorry but i just can't. rather than get myself super stressed and anxious, i consciously tell myself to slow and relax and let some things go and just do my best. that's the only way i can work. and if some of the work must be put off then so be it. this job isn't my life and my boss doesn't seem to get that. i actually bought a lottery ticket today for the first time in so long! that's usually the first sign that i'm tired of my job and need a change. i won $5 so maybe i'll go buy two more tickets with that tomorrow.

she went home early today due to feeling sick and when she left i had the most immediately great feeling of relief, like i could finally work in peace on all the emails she sent me last night with things that she needed done without constant interruptions and phone calls from her. monday mornings are hard enough without added stress. i really want a slower paced job, i'm not the workaholic type. work is just not that important to me. i'm looking forward to when i can look for work in publishing. luckily, this job with this nightmare boss has at least given me more confidence with which to deal with other types of people. that should make me a bit less afraid of a big change in my daily life. i'm just not looking forward to training someone to take my place. the job is way too complicated to actually teach to someone else.

i can't wait for the springtime to come. i'm so tired of my big winter coat. thankfully next week is march already. i can't stand working in new york city and having it be too cold to really go anywhere after work. it's such a waste! i've lived in the area of NYC all my life and there is still so much of it that i haven't seen or explored. i'm starting to get cabin fever!

joyous movie

i rented mamma mia this weekend, the movie that came out last summer with amanda seyfried and meryl streep, and i forgot what a feel good movie it is. sure, people think its corny and silly but i really love it because it puts me in such a great mood, and the music is wonderful and magical. my favorite scene in the whole film comes right at the end, when amanda's character sophie is saying goodbye to her three potential fathers and her mother, and sailing away to see the world with her boyfriend. there is an absolutely breathtaking shot of the 3 men standing on the pier, their backs to the camera, and her mother waving her red shawl saying goodbye to sophie on the boat in the distance. it was actually filmed during the day, according to the commentary, and then they enhanced the lighting digitally later to make it appear to be night. it might be one of the loveliest, dreamiest scenes i have ever seen placed on film. i forgot how gorgeous it was. you have to really see the movie to get the full effect of the colors and the moonlight, but here is a link on youtube that will have to do for now of the scene i'm writing about-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVLBb3tdUXo

its so amazing, and the way amanda sings that song 'i have a dream' is so beautiful too. this scene makes me want to be in the movies!

hope for haiti

i just bought this necklace/bracelet (it can be worn two ways) from a link from the site rachelzoe.com, which i've been checking almost daily lately. i really think the necklace is pretty, i will probably wrap the cord around my wrist and wear it as a bracelet. the cord is green and only the gold H is left, here is the link if anyone is interested. it only costs $10 and is for the benefit of the earthquake victims in haiti.

http://www.rachelzoe.com/help-haiti-hope

here's a quote from rachel's blog entry about this charity necklace-
"you will stay en vogue while all proceeds go directly to aid the children who are suffering from the earthquake’s effects."

the people in haiti definitely need those $10 more than i do, so i feel its only right. i also texted to the number to give from my cell phone bill, and donated through my job. my company has raised $65,000 in total for haiti earthquake relief, and i have to say i'm pretty proud of that.