day of drudgery

ok, i dont understand how some people enjoy cleaning because i really hate it. i think the first thing i would do if i were to become rich is hire someone to clean for me. it just seems like it never ends. and i only live in an apartment and am one person! did nothing but chores today, and some reading. short list: vacuuming, sweeping the living room floor, mopping the kitchen floor, cleaning my kitchen and bathroom, taking out garbage, wiping down mirrors and dusty surfaces, and now i'm doing a load of laundry. there is still more i want to do, but i need to wash and straighten my hair and do my nails. can't wait to go out and enjoy myself and the weekend tomorrow!

here's an old pic i just found of myself, it was taken at a bbq at my aunt's house i think around may of this year.

that drink i'm holding is sure looking good right now- and i love my orange scarf, gotta dig that out of my closet and wear it again

things that annoy me

15 things i find most annoying

1. talking to someone on a phone with a bad connection (hate this!)
2. loud cell phone conversations on the train when you're trying to read
3. train announcements that drown out the music on your ipod
4. rain on a monday morning or saturday evening
5. being interrupted at work (by coworkers or a phone ringing) when you are in the middle of something and trying to concentrate and meet a deadline
6. forgetting something that you were about to say or do
7. a loud tv in a neighboring apartment when you're trying to read
8. listening to loud construction outside when you're trying to work
9. having it being annoyingly cold in your office building
10. waking up with a caffeine-withdrawal headache
11. my boss's vacation coming to an end
12. dental appointments
13. winter cold
14. random people ringing my apartment just to get into the building (my apt. number if the first one on the list)
15. not getting enough sleep and feeling groggy and drained

run baby run

there is a woman in my office who comes in occasionally, (she doesn't have to come in to the office daily) who is very pale and has bright red hair. i mean like fire engine red hair that you can spot from a mile away. usually she ties it back for work so she still looks professional. i overheard her say that she is a vegetarian, and today i heard her tell someone that she doesn't watch television. to which her coworker replied 'well, you have a lot of catching up to do!' the other day i passed her in the hallway and she was wearing this lovely vintage-looking blue skirt, i think it was floral and to the knee. and she wore a black pashmina wrapped around herself on top. she smiled at me as we passed each other.

i remember attending a sales rally (work event) where some representatives saw her and started to make fun of her because of her hair color and the large hat that she wore to shield her skin from the sun. they were wondering who she was. i admire her because she's not afraid to be who she is, to be an individual even in this dull, corporate culture setting. she is ok with not blending in or looking like everyone else and that's what i really like. it's more impressive to be a strong personality rather than someone who blends in with a crowd, at least in my opinion. people may not understand you, but it doesn't matter as long as you know who you are and are in touch with that.

i want to be someone who steps out of the box and isn't afraid to do her own thing. unfortunately, i have succumbed to conformity, even though i know that who i am inside is not some boring woman with no mind of her own who simply exists to do her work diligently every day and make her boss happy. there is a whole lot more to me.

it's sad that most people become like this in order to function well in society, all the while suffocating their spirits and forgetting or ignoring what makes them truly human- all the things that you need to check at the door once you start working- your emotions, passions, creativity (if are not in a creative field), your need for rest, your need for physical activity, your need for mental stimulation and variety. it's a sad thing and it's why i miss the school structure sometimes.

living at home with my parents had its downsides, like limited freedoms and having to check in with them as i came and went, but it was also very pleasant at times too. having my dinner made for me and my clothes laundered, and not having to go to a supermarket, leaving me free to write or read or do whatever i wanted. maybe that's why i have trouble balancing these things now with the fun things i want to do. it sure was nice though, doing things like browsing leisurely through a store catalogue during my christmas break, basking in the warmth and comfort of living under my parent's roof. not a care in the world.

song of the day

sunday in chinatown

making sense is no fun

the title of this blog quote is a quote from rumi neely's blog, fashiontoast. i don't know really know why this is but i've always been too shy to approach new people. which is weird because when i have met new people (usually through others), i find that it is a fascinating thing to meet a new person and get their take on the world, and meet a personality like no one else's on earth. it can be a lot of fun. i have lost a lot of my shyness in the past few years, but not when it comes to initiating friendships with complete strangers.

i have always envied those people who are able to start up conversations with just about anyone, without seeming intrusive or weird. sometimes you just want new people to hang out with. i like my own company, but that need to connect to other human beings is still, of course, there nonetheless. i need to get better at that, so when i feel like going out and hanging out with someone, somewhere new that i have never been before, i won't just be stuck at home fantasizing about it. my demeanor is not very 'open' i would say, but that hasn't stopped some people from starting up conversations with me randomly. i always appreciate that.

below is a list of what rumi neely likes about her friends from one of her older blog posts which really made me realize how much i want my own group of like-minded people to hang out with. maybe then i can give my boyfriend a break from having to take me everywhere and anywhere i have the urge to go to. love him for that though.

Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends

-the ability to let the day happen to you as it will
-triple piggyback rides
-knowing how to make me laugh when I'm crying
-wearing a fuzzy tiara in public and when someone asks you why, responding with "What tiara?"
-noticing things..as Holden Caulfield said "no one ever notices anything"
-an appreciation of Michael Showalter's existence
-blasting System of Down while driving through one of SoCal's poshest neighborhoods, accurately singing every last word ()..though this is kind of the same as the tiara thing
-knowing how to do stuff I can't
-loving fashion more than shopping

do you believe in destiny?

i watched 'letters to juliet' last night, and it wasn't much to write home about. amanda seyfried is all kinds of gorgeous (how do people that beautiful even exist?) but that doesn't make up for what was ultimately a flimsy story. this movie had the scenic vistas and rolling hills of tuscany going for it and really makes you want to go to italy. amanda and the man she is supposed to fall for had no chemistry whatsoever and their hating each other when first meeting seemed so cliché to me. i guess that's why i'm not in the habit of watching too many romantic comedies. The best and most tender scene had to be when Vanessa Redgrave’s character, Claire, was brushing Sophie’s (Amanda’s ) hair. It was a loving moment and one that was emotional because of the audience learning about Sophie having been abandoned by her mother when she was nine years old.

The movie made me realize how much I miss writing too. Sophie is a fact checker for a New York magazine in the movie but she really is a writer trying to get her start in publishing. Seeing scenes of her writing in a journal in a beautiful outdoor backdrop of Italy filled me with deep envy, and longing for the way I used to be. I thought about how much pleasure I used to take in writing all the time and in thinking of myself as a writer. I wondered why I always let things get in the way of that simple act, even though I know that writing is what I most love to do, and what I would still do (even more so) if I didn’t have to work for a living. For someone to actually pay me for my writing would be like a dream come true, and wouldn’t seem like a job at all.

At the end of ‘letters to Juliet,’ Sophie takes a story she wrote about the adventure of helping Claire find her long lost love in Italy to her editor/boss in New York, and it gets published by the magazine. What an amazing feeling that must be, having something published that you’ve written. I may have to watch this movie again simply for the inspiration it gave me to keep writing, or I should say, go back to writing on a more regular basis. I think tonight I’ll listen to the director’s and amanda’s audio commentary track to see if they have any writing tidbits in there, or more information about the lovely locations where shooting took place. It must be amazing to be a young actress and get to travel to these exotic locations to shoot movies with beautiful people and spend entire days outdoors in a lush countryside. Too bad the script wasn’t as poetic as the locale.

there's a scene towards the beginning of the movie where Sophie's fiance tells her that she must write because that is her passion. i thought, yeah, it's mine too, so why am i living my life being someone that i'm not?

on a random note:

here's a link to an intriguing photo blog i found today-

http://bferry.wordpress.com/

why do you write your blog?

I found this prompt (title of post) on this website- http://mindbump.com/ and i think this is a very interesting question. my motivation in writing my blog would be to connect with others. to feel on some level that maybe someone out there can relate to what i'm feeling. sometimes it fills the void of not having many friends i can speak to regularly, which is really my own fault. it's a lot easier to sit at a keyboard and ramble on to a bunch of strangers about this and that. and it also serves as a nice forum for writing, which is something i love to do and hardly ever do enough of. mostly because i just don't make the time. i suffer as a result of that.

i let other things get in the way and then by the time i'm free i have no energy to write something, even though i know that writing anything down is an almost-instant mood shifter. suddenly it reminds me that i'm a unique human being having a unique experience of living, and my thoughts are important, and that processing those thoughts through writing can only be beneficial. Writing pulls you directly into the present moment, much like meditation does. expressing your own unique point of view is often not encouraged in this society. and that's why artistic expression in all its forms is so important.

through music, you can express yourself and create your own little world which is filtered and makes complete sense to you. the same can be done with painting, or sculpting, or altering books, or making movies, or writing. i think most people have this need, especially if they haven't been immersed in any sort of creative process since grade school. producing something creative is rewarding. much more rewarding than spending a whole evening on television. the older i get, the less i can tolerate television.

i want to be someone more important than just an everyday passive spectator/consumer. so i guess that's why i write my blog, in part to keep my creative juices flowing, in part to have a record of my thoughts and life experiences, and in part to form connections with people, even though i may never meet them. it's entertaining to pay closer attention to everyday life, and see what i can glean from it to write about here. it's inspiring to go through life looking for interesting occurrences and insights, and expecting them.

all we have is this moment

i took this picture on the beach in cabo san lucas, i can't remember ever feeling more relaxed on vacation before.

yesterday i had another falling out with my boss. i have tried just about all i can think of to tolerate her, thinking of her as a human being first, as a mother, but then she will do something to piss me off and make me hate my job again and it takes me a long long time to just let it go. and then i start dreading going to work, and that is the worst thing of all. so instead of giving into my creeping sense of doom and gloom, i'm going to try one last ditch effort to get through to my boss and therefore get through my work days with less stress. let's just say it involves writing and prayer, and leave it at that. i hope it works because i like the company i work for and i feel comfortable there and would try to avoid having to start over in a whole new place.

i will not let myself get bogged down in negativity, because i have too many good things in my life to be happy about and grateful for, and those are the things that really matter at the end of the day. i'm grateful for my loving family, the freedom to listen to uplifting music, the ability to read a good book, and my boyfriend who makes me smile and laugh, and who takes me out and allows me to have a great time and be myself. that's an amazing blessing seeing as i never thought i would ever find love or anyone who would possibly understand me.

here's a good quote from the book i'm currently reading, which i picked up for free at a free market that took place a few months ago in the city. it's called "Messengers of Light. The Angel's Guide to Spiritual Growth." this quote really resonated with my idea of what happiness is.

"To be happy means being in a state of fascination with life, where situations are simply interesting, not necessarily good or bad"

a last splurge

love my new eggplant colored satchel bag by steve madden that i bought last week at macys herald square. they had it in a cream color and in black, and i had to hold myself back from buying it in all 3 colors. it was on sale too!


this is a lovely wine/fuscia colored vintage dress i bought in a store called 'another man's treasure' in jersey city. the ruffle details on the sleeves and collar are so sweet and pretty, and the price was suprisingly reasonable,


i say these are a last splurge because i need to save up my money from now on to get some dental work done. so i guess i'll be down to buying one or two things each payday to fill in my wardrobe gaps. but i won't just be spending on anything which is good. i'll put more thought into the quality of the things i buy, and whether or not i will truly love them and wear them a lot.

sunday in central park

if i could be anywhere, i'd be in her closet

i spent most of the work day drinking dr. pepper and reading the fashion blog of my girl style crush, rumi neely of fashiontoast. don't know why i can't look like her in my clothes, though it may have to do with the fact that she's a size 0 (it appears) and is the perfect hanger for clothing. thngs get a little trickier when you have lots of curves like i do. reading her blog has made me lust after the large, black givenchy nightingale purse which is extremely out of my price range. according to barneys.com, it's upwards of $2,000 so for now it's really just a dream.

i find myself needing to buy short floral dresses that can be worn now and transitioned into fall with some opaque tights. going over my wardrobe i realize that short floral dresses of all types are what i'm missing. they are so versatile, and can be worn alone, or with short jackets or blazers, and accesorized with scarves. the possibilities are endless. i filled a bag with clothes that do not suit me anymore that i want to donate, hopefully that bag leaves my closet soon and doesn't just sit there for 6 months.

some great quotes from fashiontoast's archives entries:

'The beach on a cold cloudy day is one of my favorite things in the world'

'And thank you to a number of sweet readers that emailed me about the Bakers boots - finally, a knockoff with a decent heel! They're on their way to me now..and the Topshop leather skinnies I ordered are going to be on their way back to London cause they're too @#)$(*& big. That they're so perfectly soft and comfortable only makes the pain worse. Oh well..time to go drink sangria in my leopard print shorts.'

'I love hotels. Things like unlimited quantities of ice, shiny revolving doors, card keys, and $10 trail mix make me happy. So when my beloved Caldwell booked a room for the weekend I was ecstatic and excitedly packed way more annoying accessories than I could ever manage to wear in such a short time. But man did I try. After a mimosa toast, we frolicked irresponsibly, indulged in bacon wrapped scallops (my newest ridiculous addiction), took millions of photos for no reason, and ended up at the drugstore buying more junk food than we could ever explain purchasing. Best weekend in recent history.'
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pics of my newest acquisitions, which i love! my huge yellow scarf/shawl from the rachel zoe line on qvc and my new tannish brown booties from century21. can't wait for the weather to cool down so i can actually wear them.

currently obsessed with this song, an oldie but a goodie, a colombian cumbia from my parent's music collection: