the curious case of karen

since it's freezing in my apartment and the heat hasn't kicked in yet, i thought i'd stay here in the living room (the only room with a radiator) and write a new entry on my blog.

so new year's didn't go as planned. i was sad in a way but also glad that i didn't have to go out and freeze in my dress, and drink all night and be forced to dance. it was a relaxing new year's with the man i love, though i did miss being with my mom and family. i went to see the curious case of benjamin button today. and i was pretty underwhlemed. the story was great, and the setting and characters, but brad pitt's performance, which was supposed to be the heart of the movie, was bland to say the least. like my boyfriend put it, he pretty much sleep walks through his part. and it isn't much fun to watch.

i feel lucky for a lot of things in my life. the movie today touched on themes of starting over if you're life is not fulfilling enough. i know that right now i am very fortunate, but i can't help but dream of the possibility of being more and having more, and living the life i would imagine that i could never live. being truly and fully living, on my own terms. going after my dreams without any fear. or at least facing that fear head on.

i think about my fondest dreams, and how i could never imagine making them real, and realizing that if i can imagine them, then there must be a way to do them. and maybe that will be the way to true happiness and fulfillment, instead of being a spectator in life. i could be a participant, if i push myself a little more, if i ask myself the truly important questions and answer myself in all honesty. sometimes i want to start over too. just be spontaneous, drop whatever isn't working and isn't making me feel alive, and see where life takes me. that has never been in my character, but perhaps it should be. i will never get these years of my life back. it would be wise to make the most of them that i can..