signs

lately, i have been getting lots of signs it seems from the universe to quit my job. today on the train i saw a sign that said 'life is too short for the wrong job!' isn't that the truth? i felt so close to quitting my job yesterday that it wasn't even funny. people at work were annoying me and i just felt like i am in the wrong place. like i'm wasting my time and my talents. this isn't where i was meant to be. and maybe we are not meant to know where we are meant to be, but i don't want to wait until it's too late. it would be nice to have some sort of work that allows for creativity, for self-expression. i think that would be more fulfilling. i think that would give me more of an incentive to get out of bed.

for the first time ever, i'm thinking about my own life without the expectations of what others will think. who cares? we are the only ones who know what will make us happy. and i think sometimes it's very wise to act on your impulses. if deep down you realize that it's for your own good, no matter what happens.

i was talking to someone recently at my boyfriend's art exhibition who told me in the exact words, "whatever you are going to do, do it now! don't wait. because one day you'll wake up at age 50 wondering where your life went and why you didn't take more chances. When you're young, you think you have all the time in the world. But that's not the case." I think I'm getting all these signs for a reason. It's time to take action. For my own sanity and mental health. Sure, maybe I will wait a few weeks but it would be nice for once to go forward without a plan, to not be so responsible and serious. i think that's my problem. i have so much trouble loosening up.

when i was doing the test shoot the other day. i felt fine. not uncomfortable, not anxious, not stressed. it was fun. and i felt like it was a productive way to spend my day. now if i can only make my life match that feeling. i know stress is inevitable and maybe i need to learn how to deal with it better, but there also must be ways to lessen the amount of stress that we experience. i don't want to feel that life is slipping away. there is so much confusion in my mind that i choose to do nothing, take things one day at a time. but those days are going to add up to my lifetime if i don't act now. i think there are ways to live in the world without following the status quo, without being trapped in a 9 to 5 rat race, and i think some people quietly long for that but resign themselves to the way things are, thinking there could never be anything more. i've been that person for about 8 years. it's time to change for the better, it's time to trust in myself.

i subscribe to these 'thoughts from the universe' emails and this one really stood out to me, so i printed it out and keep it in my daily planner. so it's with me at all times.

Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2009
03:20:00 -0500
From: theuniverse@tut.com
To: fairy710@hotmail.com
Subject: TUT... A Note from the Universe

Karen, it's within you: the answers you seek, the direction you want, and the power to be whoever you want to be. Your dreams are not yours by mere whim. They've been meticulously matched to the gifts you're now developing. Designed to lure you within, where your true power lies, and then out into the world, beyond imagined limitations and fears. Trust yourself. Listen to your heart. You have the right stuff, you know what to do, and it can all be yours.

Hosanna in the highest,
The Universe