snippet of my day

the following is an email exchange with a friend-

my email-
Are you busy today? I’m starting to get aggravated by my boss. She asks for certain things by a deadline and then changes what she asks for, confusing me and all the directors and wants everything done at the very last minute. And since I’m the one compiling information for her, everyone ends up getting upset with me! its not my fault because I’m just following her orders. Do you ever just feel like you need a long break from working to rest? I feel like I’ve worked so many years straight in this office setting and its starting to get to me. I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want to talk about it, but a few weeks ago I went back on the medication for anxiety. Now I’m worried about gaining weight but sometimes I wonder if I should quit my job and just reassess my life, because I don’t want to have to be on medication just to get through the day you know? I felt so horrible this morning. tired and my head was aching and so anxious, I don’t know how much longer I could keep up with a job with this kind of stress level. Its ok, but sometimes my boss just asks for things and forgets what I already sent her and springs things up out of the blue and it’s really hard to deal with. I try to remember my blessings, and how much I love living on my own. But I don’t know if it’s worth all the stress that it’s causing me. I feel like I need a month off to feel centered and like myself again. I know the world won’t stop for me or anything, but sometime I wish it would. Or at least that I could take time off until I feel better.

her response-
it sounds like you are going through a lot of stress at work. i think that anxiety is normal in a work setting. i feel it too sometimes, like i cant keep up or what if i make a mistake but we cant stop to doubt ourselves because if we stop to think about it we will lose confidence. the truth is that everyone likely feels the same way you do but they don't let themselves stop to think about you can't change your boss but maybe you could take notes when she asks for thins that way you can have a record of what she asks for that way if she changes it you can play dumb, show her your notes and say oh you don't wan this anymore right? and she can see it in black and white its unfortunate but the way she acts with you is just the way she is. maybe her mind works like that it tough to work like that but every job has its problems

theres nothing wrong with being on meds sometimes they just help you get through the day, if you look at it like a chemical imbalance then its nothing to be ashamed and if they make you feel better what it wrong with that? i know what you mean about wanting a break, but i think that is just the cancer way of hiding and retreating into our shells and it isn't necessarily the best way to really deal with things you've gotten yourself through rough patches before and you can do it again we aren't given anything we can't handle

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looking on the bright side, at least my boss eliminated one complicated project that she was going to give me by providing all the information to the necessary parties herself, so that's something to be grateful for. i hate days of feeling so hazy like this, of just wanting to sleep for a week straight, of not feeling like i'm on the right foot or right frame of mind no matter what i do. i felt pretty good last night. i thought today would go better. but it's still early, maybe it will improve... tomorrow is friday, tomorrow is friday, tomorrow is friday,

I wish I could move to Europe sometimes, where a person’s quality of life is actually more important than work