releasing clutter and junk

Deep down I knew I wasn’t as minimalist as I could be. But since I work from home now, I finally found the courage to be ruthless with my wardrobe and toss any item that I didn’t wear or kept passing over in the closet, or that were out of style or too tight, or belonged to the 24 year old me, instead of the present day me. It was a liberating feeling to bring some clothes I was tired of to the consignment store, and donate the rest. I was even able to part with costume jewelry that I had for years that I never wore and was just taking up storage space. It really is true that the more you let go of, the easier it becomes to let go. You just see that you are able to go on and nothing bad happens and you feel better and lighter, instead of regretting getting rid of something.

A lot of things I brought to the consignment store were things I bought myself on impulse. I would be having a bad day at work and would see a purse online or in a store and buy it just to have something new, just to cheer myself up. And I would use the purse a couple of times and then get tired of it. Now I think about purchases way more, put them on a list and wait before purchasing them to see if I really want them, and I think more about quality than quantity. If I have one beautiful small diamond necklace from my boyfriend that I adore, why keep tons of costume jewelry lying around that no longer resonates with who I am? It just doesn’t make sense. And now I can have a much smaller wardrobe since I really only go out on dates with my boyfriend, or to family parties or dinners or to workout, and can work at home everyday in pajamas or house clothes.

I’ve kept some things around in case I go back to office work one day but I sincerely hope that never happens. Working from home saves up so much more free time and money. I’m not tempted to shop at nearby stores on my lunch break like I was when I was going to the office daily, and I can work independently in peace and quiet which is a real luxury. I’ve realized that I don’t like waste, and if I can’t find a good home for something, it tends to stick around my apartment way too long. I always donate or try to sell clothes I don’t want, or give them to my mom to send to Colombia where we have poorer relatives, and I donate old books that I’m tired of to the library. Old magazines go to my mom but I almost never buy those anymore, don’t need more temptations to shop, especially now that my salary is lower.

Right now I’m trying to part with an old CD player that I never use because I can never seem to find the right spot for it in my apartment. I love music but I could just try to find a smaller set of speakers that hook up to my phone sometime down the line and save myself the headache of this bulky CD player/alarm clock. I use my phone as an alarm clock anyway. The thing is that the CD player still works, so I may give it away on craigslist (don’t have a freecycle group near me) :( and hopefully it finds a new home that way. I would feel bad just throwing it out. I have thrown out a lot of things but I really try hard to place things first just in case someone needs something that I don’t.

And I love the fact that I found Wen, a product that finally works on my hair and I can use up all my old conditioners as shaving crème and all my old shampoos as hand wash. I can also toss any and all gels/creams that never worked on my hair and save lots of space that way. I’m trying to use up old perfumes (I would wear to work) as air freshners and old body lotions that I just have too many of. I want to see less and own less and have more space. I thought I was minimalist before, but it’s always possible to get rid of some more. I try to imagine the item being lost or stolen and whether or not I would replace it if so, if the answer is no, then it pretty much doesn’t need to be in my life right now! It is really a good feeling to get rid of stuff you don’t love, and feel a lot lighter in the world.

getting to breathe easier

this week i finally went to see a doctor because i couldn't stand not being able to sleep at night due to my allergies and all the congestion they caused me. he asked me tons of questions very rapidly and i had to fill out all this paperwork because it was a new doctor that i had never been to before and he had no file on me. all this was very trying on my patience. he told me that my throat was all red and that i had a lot of congestion which i already knew, and ordered me to get an ekg because he thought my resting heart rate was a little faster than it should be. i wanted to say that it was because i have a boss from hell who's very presence in my life keeps me on edge all the time, but i kept that to myself.

getting the ekg was a pain too because i had to remove all of my jewelry, and i wear a lot of jewelry, and it is all very special and meaningful to me and i get anxious when i have to remove it anywhere else besides in my home. especially the coral flower ring my mother gave me, which i actually never take off. i kept fearing that i would get up to put it back on and it would be gone.

after the doctor i went to fill my prescriptions, the girl there told me to come back in half an hour so i did, and they still weren't ready. it was her and two guys at the pharmacy and they were working so  slowly. here i am hardly able to breathe and sneezing 10 times in a row whenever i step outside, and waiting around for this medication to finally get some relief while they took their sweet time. i was just about ready to scream at them. my medication was very expensive but it was worth it. i feel much better and was actually able to fall asleep last night without feeling congested at all or waking up with the roof of my mouth burning and irritated. and that was such a blessing.

so i took advantage and went to bed early and slept a lot. i attempted today to organize my handbags and try to declutter some clothes i'm tired of but i just couldn't do it. for some reason, it's hard for me to get rid of something that i received a compliment on while wearing it even though i might have gotten sick of the item already. and it's hard for me to get rid of perfectly good work clothes or something just because i'm tired of wearing the same things over and over.

it seems wasteful to me, even though there are some clothing items that i have kept for so many years. it's hard for me to get rid of things when i know that they look good on me, because it can be hard to find flattering clothes a lot of the time. or clothing in a style that is not trendy right now. i've kept a lot of my old clothes because i just couldn't get into the whole 80s trend that's been happening in the last few years. thankfully the 70s styles are getting back into fashion now.

my handbags are somewhat more organized now, i tried to line them up on the top of my closet so that i could see them all, instead of hanging them on hooks behind my other clothes where they are less visible. i had to rearrange some clothing i had up there that doesn't fit in my dresser drawers, and a warm blanket that i use under my comforter sometimes, but i made it work eventually. i wish i had more closet space, but it looks like i'm just going to have to get rid of all the excess clothing that i don't really need.

so it was nice to relax today, have  nice cup of tea and have nowhere in particular to go except maybe to the grocery store to get some cereal and fruit. my apartment felt kind of chilly but i love being home and wearing a cozy sweater and reading a good book or watching a good documentary. that is the best. i think i will definitely always be a homebody. i love being comfortable and surrounded by the things i love and that feel like me, especially when i spend my week at a job that has nothing to do with my personality, my passions or who i really am. i must work on that.

anticipating springtime with new clothes..

blogs are weird aren't they? i mean the ones without a focus like mine. i hope mine won't ever be seen as one of the navel-gazing self obsessive type of blogs where people have nothing relevant to say. sure, it's fun sometimes to rant and get things off your chest. and i think people are interested in other people's lives, for purely voyeuristic reasons. but it shouldn't get too out of control with the personal stuff. at least i don't think so.

my mother recently gave me tons of new shirts for the spring and some new pants that are actually sort of big on me. and even a free dress. she came into all these clothes, and does on a regular basis because of samples that are sent to a clothing company that has offices in the building where she works. these samples are often thrown away, and sometimes destroyed before they are thrown away. which is so dumb and pointless when you think about how many people out there are in need of clothing for themselves and their children.

my mom is planning to buy a laptop this weekend so i'll have to show her how to use the internet. hopefully i can connect her to those sites like craigslist where people who are needy place ads asking for clothing donations. it's a shame to let all these perfectly good clothes go to waste. but i'm lucky in the sense that i get first pick :) and i ended up with some really pretty button down shirts for work, soft feminine floral shirts that are more casual, work pants in khaki and black and grey, some short sleeve t-shirts with pretty butterfly and floral designs in orange, green, white, etc., 3 pairs of jeans, and even 1 gorgeous blue coat and a cool wine colored trench coat. these things were all in perfect condition. it was incredible! she saved me from a bunch of spring shopping, and when the weather changes i can start to get rid of older shirts that i don't want anymore to make room for the new. my closet is bursting now with all the new stuff.

the good thing is that my mom gets to send a lot of the clothes to some of our needier relatives in Colombia, so that's a plus.