is this the end?

Every accomplishment starts
with the decision to try.

-Anonymous

 i found this quote in a minimalism ebook that i downloaded for free called 'the minimalist within.' it can be found here: http://minimalistathome.com/minimalistwithin

i thought that quote was beautiful in its simplicity. if you never decided to try something, which only takes a small, quiet moment, you would never have accomplished anything. the decision to try can be scary, but also empowering when you know that the decision is final and serious, and overdue. it's like how do you know if you can do something until you try? i didn't think i could live on my own for example, but i tried it and have been doing just fine. i didn't think i could ever date someone successfully, but now i have a boyfriend who loves me.

today was another awful scenario with my boss that angered and upset me first thing on a monday morning. and this came after a long like 2 week stretch of being perfectly content in my life, grateful and peaceful and so happy in my mind. and she shattered that all to pieces with one phone call. i began to equate my job with misery again. i took down all the pretty cards i had hanging up in my cubicle, and any inspiring quotes or reminders of things to do to treat myself gently and care for myself and remember what there is to be grateful for, because there is just no place for those things at the office. no one cares that you are a human being. my boss doesn't feel the need to talk to me with respect and it makes me sick.

i am a good employee. i am hard working and responsible and don't deserve to be treated this way. other assistants walk in at 12 noon (making me wonder if I have to cover for them and asking their bosses for their whereabouts) and no one says anything. the thing is i didn’t even make a mistake. i sent a file following the instructions i was given, and was told that my boss never gave me that instruction. implying that i just made it up and did not hear her correctly which is completely ridiculous. i don't understand how someone can treat a good employee this way.

i would understand if i was dumb, or always late or taking days off like some people in my department but i don't. my boss knows that i am intelligent and my work ethic is strong, and yet i seem to be repeatedly punished for it. while for other people, they just let it slide. How can you expect to get the report you want when you change the criteria for it EVERY SINGLE TIME you ask for it? I am not a mind reader. I’m doing it the same way it was done the last time I was told how to do it.

i try to be understanding and tolerant. but there are some things a normal person just can't take. i can't take being told to do something one way one day- and that it would be done that way from now on and then being told the following week that i did it incorrectly. i was following instructions. that's all. i was just trying to do the right thing. i remember what i was told as i am not an idiot. i think if the world had ended yesterday i would have died a happy woman. no more work, no more nasty boss who treats me like shit, and ending my life in a good place, having been in love and having my family and never having wanted for anything.