socially awkward or just independent?

there was a discussion today on the craigslist discussion forums (in beauty and fashion for some reason) about female friendships. people were complaining that they got tired of their female friends because of cattiness, bullying, competitiveness, bragging, etc. and i thought ok good, i'm not alone. i tried having a group of girlfriends once, and maybe they were not the right ones for me, but i couldn't seem to really connect with any of them. they were too concerned with feigning friendship and being selfish and untrustworthy. and i realized that by not having many friends in high school and college, i wasn't really missing out on much.

growing up, my parents used to say that friendships don't matter as much as family. because family will outlast every friendship every time. i think sometimes that i would like to have more friends, i find people interesting, but i also know myself. i know how moody i can get, and i get scared of hurting people when i don't mean to, just because i have days and moments when i can't bring myself to speak to anyone, and not everyone is understanding about that. you have to have really amazing friends who really understand and accept you for that to be the case. i care about people, coworkers, acquaintances, but i just don't feel the need to be in contact with them on a daily basis.

sure, sometimes i wish i had a group of cool friends (male and female), and maybe they are out there and i will run into them sometime in my life. i hope that can happen for me, as it's been something that i've never really been able to get a handle on. i've had many friends come and go in my life, as everyone has, but most people have a few close friends that have lasted them throughout the years. that's something i can't say i have unfortunately. my sister has a couple of friends that she's been close to now for like 19 years. to me, that's a major accomplishment. i remember the humiliation of finding an old friend on myspace who i thought was a really good friend to me in high school, only to find that he didn't know who i was, didn't remember me at all. I guess that’s how things go sometimes.