true blue baby
14 years ago
Monday, October 08, 2012
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
recent shoe purchases
the nude heels out of necessity- bought to wear for a wedding next friday
boots for fun, i've been wanting and needing knee high brown boots for the longest.
i spent way too much money at DSW, but it was kind of fun since i never spend money.
boots for fun, i've been wanting and needing knee high brown boots for the longest.
i spent way too much money at DSW, but it was kind of fun since i never spend money.
free market, madison square park
this is part of the journal entry i wrote in my paper journal this morning at 12:48am:
i love freedom. the freedom to be able to come and go as i please. the freedom of long stretches of time with nothing to do and no where to be. the freedom of not having anyone to answer to but myself, the freedom to read or sleep or watch movies, or eat. the freedom to sit on a train on a nice day and look out the window. the freedom to take pictures and listen to music, and write- no matter what time it is.
my body is sore and i'm tired, but there is still so much i want to do. luckily, i have the whole day free tomorrow. today i voluntarily went into the city, something i have not done in a long while. i went to the free market at madison square park which was from 12-3, but i ended up only staying about an hour.
it helps when i feel sad or alone, to go out into the world and observe people and listen to them talk or just go about their lives. there's a certain comfort in that. we are all the same. we are all just human beings, no one greater or lesser than anyone else, just trying to make our way in the world.
pics from the free market,
i love freedom. the freedom to be able to come and go as i please. the freedom of long stretches of time with nothing to do and no where to be. the freedom of not having anyone to answer to but myself, the freedom to read or sleep or watch movies, or eat. the freedom to sit on a train on a nice day and look out the window. the freedom to take pictures and listen to music, and write- no matter what time it is.
my body is sore and i'm tired, but there is still so much i want to do. luckily, i have the whole day free tomorrow. today i voluntarily went into the city, something i have not done in a long while. i went to the free market at madison square park which was from 12-3, but i ended up only staying about an hour.
it helps when i feel sad or alone, to go out into the world and observe people and listen to them talk or just go about their lives. there's a certain comfort in that. we are all the same. we are all just human beings, no one greater or lesser than anyone else, just trying to make our way in the world.
pics from the free market,
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
pics from a recent bachellorette party i went to
my swedish massage at the spa was amazing, as was the 'entertainment'
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
a repost- Sept 11, 2001, questions and thoughts
I wrote this on 5/9/02 in response to a series of prompts i found online
relating to September 11, 2001. they were meant to preserve the memory of the
day for future generations.
1. Where were you and what were you doing when you first heard the news of the attack on America, Sept 11, 2001? i was on an express bus just coming out of the Battery Tunnel, when the entire bus was in a little commotion and everyone began to go to the right side to look up out of the windows. we were a few blocks from the towers and we could see thick black smoke consuming the top of one of the towers. everyone was confused, but i just thought it was a fire, nothing to be alarmed about, they would just put it out and that would be it. i was on the bus because i was on my way to a temp agency to act as a stand-by temp who comes in the morning for last minute assignments.
2. What were your first thoughts and feelings upon hearing the news? What were the first things you commented on? the bus turned on to the expressway by the water and everyone had learned from listening to headphones/radio that a second plane had hit, and we had just learned about the first- which everyone assumed had just been an accident. there was a woman on the bus with a radio and everyone watched her and waited for news to clear up their confusion. she said that a second plane had hit the second tower, and it was now confirmed that was a deliberate act. everyone stared out the left side windows now, horrified, trying to use their cell phones and assure loved ones that they were all right. i would get peeks at the World Trade Center between the buildings as the bus moved along swiftly, each time it was a more horrific sight.
i remember first seeing what looked like paper- millions of papers flying through the air, shooting out from a burning hole in one of the towers. you could see the force of the wind, or the suction or something in the shining sunlight, it looked as if the top of the tower was spewing papers right at the expressway and river on our right. i looked at the water and it was littered with what looked like white paper, but which we later learned was pieces of shrapnel from the actual buildings.
by this time the top of both towers were in flames. i was sitting next to a young blonde girl who was trying to reach her boyfriend on his cell phone because he worked as a janitor at the World Trade Center. luckily though, his shift began around 4:00 that day, so he hadn't been there or arrived. she kept saying 'oh shit' as she dialed, telling me that all their friends work in the towers as well.
i tried to call my mother but the cell phone did not work. when i looked back out at the towers, i got a full clear view and gasped, covering my mouth with my free hand as my eyes grew large trying to capture and grasp what i saw. trying to understand and process. the entire length of both towers was covered with black smoke, like two glowing matchsticks, and i could only think.. 'i thought they were going to stop it- put the fires out, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??' patches of dark black smoke covered almost every recognizable silver piece of the towers and i could see small red flames shooting out to the sky from some of the center windows and upper windows of one tower. i turned back to face the front of the bus and thought to myself, 'my God, there are people burning in there right now. how are they going to get out?'
my mom called my cell phone and finally it went through and she asked me where i was, i told her i was on the bus and i would try to get to her job. she works in midtown. the bus driver was confused about being told to divert through brooklyn and leave all the passengers there (which worried me and my mom) but then he got different instructions to continue on his route but only up until the stop after mine, which was 42nd street. i told my mom he was going to stop at 34th st and that i'd be there soon. the bus driver also spoke on a cell phone, asking the person on the other end if his son was all right.
by this time, everyone was weary, panicky, and one woman started to cry. i remember hearing another console her saying, 'don't cry.' everyone was very confused and i just wanted to see my mother and tell her what i had seen. as i entered her building, they told me to go downstairs where she was and i went and saw her and hugged her hard. i was afraid and just glad to see she was ok. i told her what i had seen- both towers completely enveloped in smoke, from way down by the ground. i couldn't believe it-it was unlike anything i'd ever seen.
my mother had a portable radio and she heard as the spanish DJs described what was happening. we went out to the sidewalk and looked up at the tops of the towers and they were still aflame, there were crowds of people standing around and just staring up, or trying to use their cell phones. oddly though, there were other people just strolling by casually as if nothing was out of the ordinary. there was an electronics store near us that turned the news on their TVs and a small group of people, including us, crowded in front of it, everyone just looked on in shock. one man, with cell phone in hand, told the people standing close to him that he was supposed to be at the towers that morning for a breakfast meeting, but he'd been running late. he spoke somberly as if he didn't believe his own words. everyone felt the same confusion.
on the TV screen we all watched in the store, they showed footage of the pentagon in washington DC, which has also been hit by a plane and now appeared to lie in ruins. they also announced that a number of planes were still circling the air, their targets unknown. a shot of the New York skyline appeared then on the screen, but you couldn't see any of the buildings. the entire city was hidden by thick, black, billowing smoke. it was just smoke on the island of Manhattan, smoke on top of water, and below that unbelievable scene flashed these words "NYC ON FULL TERRORIST ALERT." the words flashed again and again, like an emergency signal, and the last place i wanted to be, was where i was standing- midtown Manhattan.
i walked around the block to try to call my sister and tell her we were all right. but there was a short line to use the pay phones because all cell phones had gone dead. as i waited behind a girl using the pay phone i heard her say, 'the building just fell. i saw it,' and i was shocked, there was no way it could be real, there was no way a tower had collapsed. at that moment i saw my mom leave her building again and walk around the corner where she could see the towers. i tried to call my sister, but i didn't get through, they told me she was teaching. when i crossed back to join my mother where we could see the towers- she turned around and looked at me with tears gathering in her voice as she said "the towers fell, there must be people dead"- she had heard it on the radio as the DJ said in spanish "The World Trade Center towers no longer exist." seeing her tell me, my stomach felt as if it had fallen out from under me. i looked up at where we had just seen the towers on fire, but now there was only pale smoke and blue sky.
at some point before, i went to one of the upper floors in my mother's building to try to use a phone and felt myself having a minor panic attack in the elevator. it was just unexpected and so strange. i felt very closed in all of a sudden, and like i could barely breathe. when we finally got back down to the lobby, people were fleeing the building in waves and for a moment i thought they were all dead, that we were all dead, like souls just waiting to be released by another imminent blast, i felt it coming in my bones. we were so close to the Empire State Building.
my mother and i were stuck in manhattan until around 7pm, sitting on benches in a small park, flinching at the sounds of planes flying overhead, trying to call and call until we could get through to our family and friends. the trains and ferries started to run again and the tunnels repoened. my father came to pick us up. i was 22 years old at the time.
1. Where were you and what were you doing when you first heard the news of the attack on America, Sept 11, 2001? i was on an express bus just coming out of the Battery Tunnel, when the entire bus was in a little commotion and everyone began to go to the right side to look up out of the windows. we were a few blocks from the towers and we could see thick black smoke consuming the top of one of the towers. everyone was confused, but i just thought it was a fire, nothing to be alarmed about, they would just put it out and that would be it. i was on the bus because i was on my way to a temp agency to act as a stand-by temp who comes in the morning for last minute assignments.
2. What were your first thoughts and feelings upon hearing the news? What were the first things you commented on? the bus turned on to the expressway by the water and everyone had learned from listening to headphones/radio that a second plane had hit, and we had just learned about the first- which everyone assumed had just been an accident. there was a woman on the bus with a radio and everyone watched her and waited for news to clear up their confusion. she said that a second plane had hit the second tower, and it was now confirmed that was a deliberate act. everyone stared out the left side windows now, horrified, trying to use their cell phones and assure loved ones that they were all right. i would get peeks at the World Trade Center between the buildings as the bus moved along swiftly, each time it was a more horrific sight.
i remember first seeing what looked like paper- millions of papers flying through the air, shooting out from a burning hole in one of the towers. you could see the force of the wind, or the suction or something in the shining sunlight, it looked as if the top of the tower was spewing papers right at the expressway and river on our right. i looked at the water and it was littered with what looked like white paper, but which we later learned was pieces of shrapnel from the actual buildings.
by this time the top of both towers were in flames. i was sitting next to a young blonde girl who was trying to reach her boyfriend on his cell phone because he worked as a janitor at the World Trade Center. luckily though, his shift began around 4:00 that day, so he hadn't been there or arrived. she kept saying 'oh shit' as she dialed, telling me that all their friends work in the towers as well.
i tried to call my mother but the cell phone did not work. when i looked back out at the towers, i got a full clear view and gasped, covering my mouth with my free hand as my eyes grew large trying to capture and grasp what i saw. trying to understand and process. the entire length of both towers was covered with black smoke, like two glowing matchsticks, and i could only think.. 'i thought they were going to stop it- put the fires out, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??' patches of dark black smoke covered almost every recognizable silver piece of the towers and i could see small red flames shooting out to the sky from some of the center windows and upper windows of one tower. i turned back to face the front of the bus and thought to myself, 'my God, there are people burning in there right now. how are they going to get out?'
my mom called my cell phone and finally it went through and she asked me where i was, i told her i was on the bus and i would try to get to her job. she works in midtown. the bus driver was confused about being told to divert through brooklyn and leave all the passengers there (which worried me and my mom) but then he got different instructions to continue on his route but only up until the stop after mine, which was 42nd street. i told my mom he was going to stop at 34th st and that i'd be there soon. the bus driver also spoke on a cell phone, asking the person on the other end if his son was all right.
by this time, everyone was weary, panicky, and one woman started to cry. i remember hearing another console her saying, 'don't cry.' everyone was very confused and i just wanted to see my mother and tell her what i had seen. as i entered her building, they told me to go downstairs where she was and i went and saw her and hugged her hard. i was afraid and just glad to see she was ok. i told her what i had seen- both towers completely enveloped in smoke, from way down by the ground. i couldn't believe it-it was unlike anything i'd ever seen.
my mother had a portable radio and she heard as the spanish DJs described what was happening. we went out to the sidewalk and looked up at the tops of the towers and they were still aflame, there were crowds of people standing around and just staring up, or trying to use their cell phones. oddly though, there were other people just strolling by casually as if nothing was out of the ordinary. there was an electronics store near us that turned the news on their TVs and a small group of people, including us, crowded in front of it, everyone just looked on in shock. one man, with cell phone in hand, told the people standing close to him that he was supposed to be at the towers that morning for a breakfast meeting, but he'd been running late. he spoke somberly as if he didn't believe his own words. everyone felt the same confusion.
on the TV screen we all watched in the store, they showed footage of the pentagon in washington DC, which has also been hit by a plane and now appeared to lie in ruins. they also announced that a number of planes were still circling the air, their targets unknown. a shot of the New York skyline appeared then on the screen, but you couldn't see any of the buildings. the entire city was hidden by thick, black, billowing smoke. it was just smoke on the island of Manhattan, smoke on top of water, and below that unbelievable scene flashed these words "NYC ON FULL TERRORIST ALERT." the words flashed again and again, like an emergency signal, and the last place i wanted to be, was where i was standing- midtown Manhattan.
i walked around the block to try to call my sister and tell her we were all right. but there was a short line to use the pay phones because all cell phones had gone dead. as i waited behind a girl using the pay phone i heard her say, 'the building just fell. i saw it,' and i was shocked, there was no way it could be real, there was no way a tower had collapsed. at that moment i saw my mom leave her building again and walk around the corner where she could see the towers. i tried to call my sister, but i didn't get through, they told me she was teaching. when i crossed back to join my mother where we could see the towers- she turned around and looked at me with tears gathering in her voice as she said "the towers fell, there must be people dead"- she had heard it on the radio as the DJ said in spanish "The World Trade Center towers no longer exist." seeing her tell me, my stomach felt as if it had fallen out from under me. i looked up at where we had just seen the towers on fire, but now there was only pale smoke and blue sky.
at some point before, i went to one of the upper floors in my mother's building to try to use a phone and felt myself having a minor panic attack in the elevator. it was just unexpected and so strange. i felt very closed in all of a sudden, and like i could barely breathe. when we finally got back down to the lobby, people were fleeing the building in waves and for a moment i thought they were all dead, that we were all dead, like souls just waiting to be released by another imminent blast, i felt it coming in my bones. we were so close to the Empire State Building.
my mother and i were stuck in manhattan until around 7pm, sitting on benches in a small park, flinching at the sounds of planes flying overhead, trying to call and call until we could get through to our family and friends. the trains and ferries started to run again and the tunnels repoened. my father came to pick us up. i was 22 years old at the time.
Monday, September 10, 2012
sweet little lady
my lovely niece Reina Marie, in one of the outfits I bought her for her first birthday :)
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
quote
“For a long time now, every moment with another human being has been a collision. I feel too much, sense too much, am exhausted by the reverberations after even the simplest conversation."
-May Sarton
Journal of a Solitude
Journal of a Solitude
Monday, September 03, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
feeling a bit better
think i'm getting back to a healthy state of mind.
who knew?
i may just get myself back soon. i hope so.
creepy song that i can't stop listening to:
who knew?
i may just get myself back soon. i hope so.
creepy song that i can't stop listening to:
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 06, 2012
kiss me blind, somebody should
i almost threw out an old vhs tape which had this entire concert on it (an old ebay purchase from 1996!) so glad i viewed it first!
'fix me now' -one of my favorite Garbage songs from the first album:
'fix me now' -one of my favorite Garbage songs from the first album:
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
random stuff
excellent article about Shirley Manson here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/blogs/thread-count/the-darkling-manifesto-shirley-mansons-individualist-style-legacy-20120731
my current favorite song here:
another one of my poems published here!
http://word-smyths.com/?p=1340
an old pic of me and my niece when she was born
old pic of my mom and i dancing at my aunt's house
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/blogs/thread-count/the-darkling-manifesto-shirley-mansons-individualist-style-legacy-20120731
my current favorite song here:
another one of my poems published here!
http://word-smyths.com/?p=1340
an old pic of me and my niece when she was born
old pic of my mom and i dancing at my aunt's house
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
releasing clutter and junk
Deep down I knew I wasn’t as minimalist as I could be. But since I work from home now, I finally found the courage to be ruthless with my wardrobe and toss any item that I didn’t wear or kept passing over in the closet, or that were out of style or too tight, or belonged to the 24 year old me, instead of the present day me. It was a liberating feeling to bring some clothes I was tired of to the consignment store, and donate the rest. I was even able to part with costume jewelry that I had for years that I never wore and was just taking up storage space. It really is true that the more you let go of, the easier it becomes to let go. You just see that you are able to go on and nothing bad happens and you feel better and lighter, instead of regretting getting rid of something.
A lot of things I brought to the consignment store were things I bought myself on impulse. I would be having a bad day at work and would see a purse online or in a store and buy it just to have something new, just to cheer myself up. And I would use the purse a couple of times and then get tired of it. Now I think about purchases way more, put them on a list and wait before purchasing them to see if I really want them, and I think more about quality than quantity. If I have one beautiful small diamond necklace from my boyfriend that I adore, why keep tons of costume jewelry lying around that no longer resonates with who I am? It just doesn’t make sense. And now I can have a much smaller wardrobe since I really only go out on dates with my boyfriend, or to family parties or dinners or to workout, and can work at home everyday in pajamas or house clothes.
I’ve kept some things around in case I go back to office work one day but I sincerely hope that never happens. Working from home saves up so much more free time and money. I’m not tempted to shop at nearby stores on my lunch break like I was when I was going to the office daily, and I can work independently in peace and quiet which is a real luxury. I’ve realized that I don’t like waste, and if I can’t find a good home for something, it tends to stick around my apartment way too long. I always donate or try to sell clothes I don’t want, or give them to my mom to send to Colombia where we have poorer relatives, and I donate old books that I’m tired of to the library. Old magazines go to my mom but I almost never buy those anymore, don’t need more temptations to shop, especially now that my salary is lower.
Right now I’m trying to part with an old CD player that I never use because I can never seem to find the right spot for it in my apartment. I love music but I could just try to find a smaller set of speakers that hook up to my phone sometime down the line and save myself the headache of this bulky CD player/alarm clock. I use my phone as an alarm clock anyway. The thing is that the CD player still works, so I may give it away on craigslist (don’t have a freecycle group near me) :( and hopefully it finds a new home that way. I would feel bad just throwing it out. I have thrown out a lot of things but I really try hard to place things first just in case someone needs something that I don’t.
And I love the fact that I found Wen, a product that finally works on my hair and I can use up all my old conditioners as shaving crème and all my old shampoos as hand wash. I can also toss any and all gels/creams that never worked on my hair and save lots of space that way. I’m trying to use up old perfumes (I would wear to work) as air freshners and old body lotions that I just have too many of. I want to see less and own less and have more space. I thought I was minimalist before, but it’s always possible to get rid of some more. I try to imagine the item being lost or stolen and whether or not I would replace it if so, if the answer is no, then it pretty much doesn’t need to be in my life right now! It is really a good feeling to get rid of stuff you don’t love, and feel a lot lighter in the world.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
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