a day off to think

so i've been burned out lately. i think it's partly to do with the wintertime always making me sadder, but also the fact that i've been trying to keep up with a workload that has just proven to be impossible. my mother always told me to finish my work quickly, this would impress my bosses i guess, but i've taken that advise a little too much to heart and now it has hurt me. i try to do everything immediately which is just not possible and only makes me crazy in the process. so my job is what it is, and no matter what, it's not going to let up and the people there are not going to change. so i'm going to do what my boss suggested and turn off my email alerts, ignore the phone if i'm in the middle of something, and just try to do one thing at a time. if it gets me fired or demoted oh well. i'm tired of checking my blackberry for emails to get a head start on the day, i'm tired of checking it on the way home as well for no good reason.

i spent most of today sleeping out of sheer exhaustion. and that is just crazy

no matter how much i pray, or send letters to my boss' guardian angel and stick it into a bible (yeah i really did that), no one will stop the way they work and the demands won't stop coming. no amount of self help books, DVDs, meditation or exercise or feel good chemicals are going to help that. so i just have to do what i can, do the least amount as possible and see how long i can get away with working like that. who knows, it may just solve my problems. i was out of the office today because i had a cold and i still haven't checked my emails. that's monumental for me. i'm going to see if i can hold out on checking them until i actually get into the office. and i'm going to try to come in at 9:00am and not a second before. i plan to walk slowly, to buy myself coffee before rushing into the office to sign in, take a deep breath, and THEN start my work. i'm going to do only what i can, and not push myself so hard for no reason