a nice garbage afternoon

old pic

this is one of the rare times i like how i look in a picture. i'm the one in yellow. sitting with my sister and cousin on thanksgiving a few years ago.

contentment

the other day i went to a meeting in Manhattan for my job. it always amazes me how NYC is such a crazy amalgam of the rich and the poor. walking down a street in midtown, you can encounter groups of well dressed businessmen chatting with each other or on cell phones casually strolling by a homeless mother and her son begging for money while seated on the sidewalk on a 95 degree day. and this is just the norm, nobody bats and eyelash. i find it all rather strange. and going into the city that day made me realize how happy i am to be working from home now and avoiding the city on a daily basis. thankfully, that meeting i went to is held only once a year.

i am really a lucky person. i never had to struggle financially while living out on my own and i was raised well.  i went to college and got my education, i was raised hearing two language in my house and now i can use one partially to earn my living. i am grounded and responsible. i could have gone a totally different way. i could have been rebellious, been a dropout, if i had different parents. thankfully my parents weren't selfish and were always looking out for my welfare, and my sister's as well. i have amazing freedom right now and i feel lucky. i can do anything and go anywhere i want to with no one stopping me. i can explore the world, i can do creative things, i can work without feeling tons of stress in the process and still earn a comfortable living.

i'm not the kind of person who needs a lot to be happy. i'm not into the latest trendy material things. and i think that's a big advantage. i don't dress up to impress other female friends. i don't even need a business casual wardrobe anymore which is really wonderful. though maybe it would be smart to hold on to a few of those in case i end up back in an office someday. hopefully not! i enjoy simple pleasures in life. reading a good book in my bed is one of the best things ever, or writing in my journal, or reading blogs, or having a good cup of coffee and a good conversation with my bf. it's really the little things. i like to slow down and enjoy life, meditate on my journey and realize that i am a blessed person. i feel really grateful, and content

"it's good to be different" -Shirley Manson

love love love

Currently..

Currently I’m ...

-re-reading the unabridged journals of Sylvia Plath, because she writes things like (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘the red and blue rooftops are muted and secretive’ while looking out her window

-re-reading a bunch of decluttering books and clearing out lots of old clutter, cleaning out closets/drawers/cupboards/grooming products

-finding new uses for excess shampoo and conditioner online, there are some great tips out there for using it up

-listening to ‘not your kind of people’ –new garbage CD , of course!

-needing to buy a new couch/loveseat for my living room. Though I can’t decide if I want a loveseat or a chaise lounge chair for reading

-struggling to write so I can finish one journal and start on my new one

-wondering what to get my uncles, brother in law and dad for father’s day. Money seems so boring

-still loving my Dana Rebecca designs necklace J thanks to my sweet bf

-still loving working from home, and the fact that summer is only beginning

-caved in and restarted my Netflix subscription. Watched ‘Gone’ the other night, wasn’t that great, I will probably put the subscription back on hold soon. Summer means more walks outside in the evenings.

-meditating more regularly and feeling better for it.

-having trouble letting go of some books, like the Chicago Manual of Style and the copyediting/proofreading handbooks, in case I can somehow find a way to finally get into doing that, and stop hesitating and being afraid of failing

-wanting to buy some round frame sun glasses, and ‘Amelie’ on DVD, and ‘Bill Cunningham NY’ on DVD and the new book about clutter by Brooks Palmer, whose blog I’m addicted to

-wanting to buy another T shirt and a tote bag from garbage.com

-enjoying a short video on the sartorialist’s website about how he takes his street fashion pictures

-being happy that it’s Friday, and that I found a nice, short maroon-colored dress in my closet (from American apparel) that I haven’t had a chance to wear in a long while that still fits J

-taking my hair vitamins, using wen, and enjoying healthier hair with less frizz

-enjoying my privacy and living alone

-wanting to get a new wardrobe of more pricey/sturdier clothing, and weeding out the cheap excess that doesn’t last. I have lots of trouble with this. I don’t like to spend much on clothes

-looking forward to going on a little vacation for my birthday week

they're only feelings baby..

i have been doing more writing in my paper journal, than here. and i have been listening to the new Garbage album a whole lot-not your kind of people. i can't get over how good it is and how every song speaks to me personally, as usual. i am so grateful that this band exists. i love every song on the album, and i feel like it's their best since Version 2.0, which was always my favorite. some of my favorite songs on not my kind of people are 'automatic systematic habit,' 'control,' 'the one,' battle in me,' 'man on a wire' and 'felt.' in 'man on a wire' when Shirley sings 'I sat myself down and shot my fear in the face,' it's possibly one of the best garbage lyrics I've ever heard. go buy the album now if you haven't yet!!


i had a very productive night tonight. it's amazing what cancelling netflix can do. i miss watching new movies sometimes, but i knew i was avoiding doing the soul searching activities that i used to enjoy so much. so tonight i did some writing, and some meditating and now I'm posting this blog entry. I'm going to read a bit before bed, just not sure yet what to read. i may buy the digital version of the unabridged journals of Silvia Plath. her journals are a literary art form all in themselves. she takes little everyday things and turns them into an inspiring subject for writing. the actual book is quite thick and heavy and i got rid of it a while ago, so i think buying the digital version to be able to carry with me anywhere on my e reader is a better option.


i also made a list of my top 100 favorite things, not including movies i own, or clothing. I'm trying to pare things down again. now that i work from home i need a lot less clothing so I'm donating a bunch i got tired of to the consignment store near me next week. the idea behind making the list of your favorite 100 things is to reconsider if you really need the things that you couldn't remember to put on your list. if they aren't memorable then why keep them around sort of thing? i read it on one of those minimalist blogs, can't remember which one right now but i made the list once before and i just can't find it, it would be interesting to compare the first list i made to the one i made tonight, but i would have to find it first.


i was surprised that i couldn't remember too many of my books, so i guess i am not so attached to them all as i thought i was. jewelry was really difficult too for some reason. i mostly listed the jewelry i like the most and wear most often. there are a lot of pieces in my collection that i really like but i just don't really take the time to wear.


title of this post is taken from this dreamy Garbage song..

so make it happen

yes! yes! yes!

TURN THIS UP LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your love made me a prisoner

in the mood for aerosmith

i won't be knocked down!

can't get this song out of my head. here is a mini film about it, hear the whole song two posts down:



i love what she says in this interview about what she would say to the Shirley Manson of the 90s. and what she says about the new album and how she hopes the fans connect to it in relation to their own lives. i love her!

an oldie but a goodie

this song made me smile during my walk home from the train tonight. it just made me joyful.
her voice lifts my heart and makes me soar..

another awesome new garbage song

i can feel my happiness and hope returning once again

ah..

:) enjoy

the big first birthday

unrelated, but the best thing i've read today: http://zenhabits.net/live/

 pics of my niece's first birthday party :) she is the cutest, sweetest baby and i love her

a new day, a new mood

song of the day..

now i am unwell

this bif naked song is exactly my mood tonight, so mad i couldn't find a video of it to post, so you could experience the music as well. but the lyrics are below. it's from the album superbeautifulmonster.

After a While

I want you to know I needed time to rest.
And, I must confess to you.
I'm hardest on myself.
All I ever wanted was to try to do my best.
And I want tell the truth,
now I am unwell.

After awhile, I just lay down.
After awhile, my chin ain't up.
Bare-knuckle fighter in the third round.
After awhile, it's all bad luck.

[Chorus]
Save me. Save me from myself.
Drowning in the wishing well.
I will try to rise above.
I am never good enough.

I want you to know that I needed time alone.
Don't you try to tell me that you really didn't know.
All I ever wanted was to never leave this bed.
And I want to tell the truth - my smile is just pretend.

After awhile, I got sleepy.
After awhile, safety lasted.
After awhile, disenchanted.
After awhile, I just fasted.

[Chorus]
Save me. Save me from myself.
Drowning in the wishing well.
I will try to rise above.
I am never good enough.

After awhile, I just lay down.
After awhile, my chin ain't up.
Bare-knuckle fighter in the third round.
After awhile, it's all bad luck.

[Chorus]
Save me. Save me from myself.
Drowning in the wishing well.
I will try to rise above.
I am never good enough.

I'm no good for you.
I'm no good for you.
I'm no good for you.

more new garbage news! :)

the beauty of shirley

i hate chelsea handler and don't think she's funny but i love this clip because it's shirley manson she's interviewing. and she looks gorgeous and is as sharp and observant and cool as ever.
 

so after two days working independently in my new job position, so far it has been a lot of phone work which i was kind of dreading and hoping that that wouldn't be the majority of my day but that's what it turned out to be. and it was determined that the new hires were not ready to work from home yet so i'm gong back into the office next week which really sucks. i was working hard and hoping that i would be told i was ready to work from home, but no such luck. the job kind of sucks, but it sucks less than working for my old boss so i'm not going to complain. at this point i know all corporate type jobs suck and at this point in my life, i'm just trying to find the one that sucks the least.

i don't want to go into the office because of my terrible allergies, and i hope it really does rain this weekend so that some of that pollen washes away. i haven't felt motivated to exercise lately and i know i have to get to that, as well as other chores around my place. i have 3 family events going on over the next three weekends so i have to get in as much quiet, relaxation time as i possibly can right now. i wish there was a cure for allergies so i would never have to spend another mothers day sneezing and with my eyes irritated while trying to enjoy my family get together. i also have 3 weddings to attend this year and there's something about getting dressed for formal events that really bugs me. i'm just a homebody at heart and prefer to be comfortable.

and i just don't know but going to bridal showers and bachelorette parties are just not my idea of a good time. its all kind of tedious, but i'm going to have to go to those for at least one of the weddings. such is life i guess. i have to save money to buy my dress for that wedding as well, as i am one of the bridesmaids. i guess i'm lucky not to have many close girlfriends, otherwise events like this would probably be a yearly thing at my age, not to mention baby showers and all that. it's really hard to be myself in a world that seems to expect me to be something else entirely. that's why i love people like shirley manson. she is who she is, with no apologies.

will i be pretty? will i be rich?

just watched one of my favorite movies, heathers. i had been wanting to rewatch it for a while. i don't know why it's one of my favorites, i just love the dialogue and the darkness of it. and the way it's not like a typical 80s teen movie. it's extremely subversive, cruel and funny! high school is such a torturous time for so many people, and this movie shows that so accurately and brilliantly. the opening sequence/song is also so great. i love so many of the lines, here are just a few highlights:

'real life sucks losers dry'
'did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?'
'our love is God, let's go get a slushie''
'you're such a pillowcase'
'no one at westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games'

here is the beginning, 



so i finally caught up with the rest of the world and got a smart phone. so now i'll have the Internet almost everywhere i go, dangerous! i hope i don't get too addicted and forget about the real world like most people i see staring at their phones all day long. my old phone was so tiny and difficult to text on, i was really getting sick of it. i could barely see any pictures of my niece or nephew on it either, which was annoying. it was definitely time to get an upgrade.

i'm still in training for my new job, i'm praying that it's not too difficult for me since i'm not big on talking on the phone a lot during the day and apparently this position entails that. i figure anything has to be better than working for my old boss. i'm smart and disciplined. and really used to doing jobs i don't enjoy. hopefully i can last at my company a while longer, accrue more vacation time and finally get to relax a few days sometime in june.

deep in the heart of tokyo

been listening to some ace of base lately, just because i'm happy to be out of my old horrible job position and into a new one. i like this song most, its peppy and energetic (good for exercising)  don't think this is the official video..



and the first new Garbage video premiered today! Yay for the return of great music!!!!

i get back up and i do it again

just saw a great movie tonight called 'everything must go' which starred will farrell. it was a dramatic, sad story and kind of depressing but i loved the hopeful note it left on which was that anyone can get a fresh new start, shed their old stuff and their old life and faded memories, and head into their future as a new person who is ready to start over, start a new journey. he was very convincing in this troubled, serious role and i was surprised.

it had a similar tone to Ghostworld, which also features a garage sale and the ending of one part of life and the beginning of another. it had a fresh realness to it, just like Ghostworld. the future can be scary and intimidating, but it can also bring lots of hope. you can choose to become someone new at any time. it's like my old meditation teacher used to say, 'the only way to change, is to change.' you simply have to make up your mind and do it. to become tired of your old life and decide to become someone better.

here's a Garbage video for old time's sake. i love the subtle nods to Blondie with the black and white picture in the bedroom and the parallel lines painted on the wall. Shirley Manson is the coolest woman on earth, besides Debbie Harry of course.